I Want To Party All The Time, Party All The Time!: Ways to Tell You’re Living in a Party Dorm

Heading back to campus? Psyching yourself up to lug giant suitcases across the quad? Rinsing out that Nalgene in hopes of filling it with a cran / vodka combo? (Protip: just fill it with cran and watch all the drunk people say things everyone will forget except you.)

Whatever your attitude or mode of moving in, most likely the majority of you will be settling into dorms you’ve never lived in before. At first, everything is clean and vacuumed and smelling like Glade. At first, it seems like you’ve picked the absolute best place to sleep, study, and veg out after a giant Econ test. But then.

The weekend happens. And suddenly it hits you like a splatter of what you hope is cake: you’re smack dab in the middle of a party dorm.

Here are a few ways to tell you’re living in the Bermuda Triangle of beer and screaming.

As you’re moving in, you notice that you’re the only one dragging a suitcase into your room. Everyone else is hauling dollies of 12 packs.

Your roommates are really friendly! Or…why are their eyes drooping like that?

The community fridge is stocked with liquor, sour cream, and mixers.

The community cupboards are filled with cheetos, salsa, pork rinds, and Alka Seltzer.

It’s Monday night, you’re reading Proust, and it sounds like the people in the room next to you are throwing…what’s that? Quarters? And then cheering?

Walking into the bathroom at 8:30AM on Tuesday morning, you pass three people playing Uno in the hallway.

Walking into the bathroom at 8:30AM on Tuesday morning, you almost step in a pile of barf.

Walking into the bathroom at 8:30AM on Tuesday morning, someone says hi, from the next stall over, looking up at you from the floor.

On Friday night, 5:00PM sharp, music starts blasting — and it doesn’t stop for two days.

The entire college spends their weekend in your dorm.

Public Safety knows your first and last name and waves to you as you walk to class.

2 weeks into the school year and your floor has been buried by beer cans, chip bags, and other people’s wet socks.

You tell people where you live, and they raise their eyebrows, nod, and ask you if you sell pot “like everyone else in that dorm”.

People are forever washing out their shot glass collections in the sinks.

Professors are surprised you get A’s…considering everyone else from your dorm comes into class in yesterday’s clothes.

You’ve done more body shots than loads of laundry.

[Any other ways to tell you’ve landed in party land??]

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