Get Out of my Tube: The 5 Worst People on TV

I was raised, essentially, without TV. I use the word ‘essentially’ because we did have a TV. We just also had extremely conservative republican parents filtering everything that we watched on the total of 2 or 3 channels that we received with our antenna on the top of our TV. (One of those channels was, conveniently, The Christian Network where I was routinely made to watch The 700 Club.)
So, needless to say, TV wasn’t a big part of my childhood. That was fine by me; I spent my time outside and learning how to play guitar.
When I moved out and into dorms at 18, I still didn’t watch TV much. I think there was one in my dorm, but I wouldn’t have noticed either way. It just wasn’t a part of my life. But when I moved in with new roomies in a real apartment when I was 19, everything changed. Not only did we have a TV, but we had every channel (not to mention On Demand and, mmmm, DVR). I learned to love TV.
In fact, I’m watching it right now.
Since I have spent a few years getting to know the ins and out of this tube and the entertainment that it so benevolently offers me, I have noticed that there are some very bad people on TV. And I love lists. So, naturally, I made a list of the worst people on TV.
1. Heidi Montag. You suck. Not only have you clearly devoted your life to looking like Barbie and dating a douchier version of Ken, but you are also retardedly incompetent and talentless. Congrats, Heidi. (Note: Tied for#1 is her douchier version of Ken, Spencer Pratt. Get a job and get out of my life.)
2. Blair Waldorf. You might just be a fiction character, Blair Waldorf (like Heidi isn’t?), but your character blows. You are a very mean girl who has nothing to do with her life. The sad thing is that girls, like my current roommate, think you’re actually someone to emulate. Puke.
3. Celia Hodes. I love the show Weeds, Celia, but you are definitely not why. Your trainwreck of a character is a walking double-standard, an ache in my viewer’s side. Basically, you’re a hot mess. You’re a bad mom, a bad wife, a bad friend, a bad worker. WTF are you good at? I hate you.
4. Carlos Mencia. You are not funny. You are not funny. You are not funny. Not only are you not funny, but you’re annoying. The 15 minutes I once spent trying to get your annoying voice out of my head might have been my worst 15 minutes of my life. Thank you.
5. Ali Lohan. We don’t need another Lohan in our faces. It’s simple. And on top of that, you’re not your sister (though you sure do try). Why don’t you finish high school and then go find a life of your own?
Anyone else who makes you want to claw your eyes out? Elizabeth Hasselback? Oprah Winfrey? Alex Trebek?
[Photo from: seat42f.com]

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