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Overheard On Campus: “Freshmen?!”

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[Every week, CC and John will bring you some of the wierdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus.  Join the Overheard revolution!  Leave your own overheard convos in the comments.]

Strange, silly and awkward things overheard on campus this week:

– A lanky blonde man leans against a doorway, talking to a short-haired brunette.

“She’s really… nice, you know?” He shakes his head. “I mean, I just wanted someone to care about.”

“But a freshman?” she asks, feigning surprise. “Really!

“Yeah. It was like fishing with dynamite.”

– Two grizzled, swarthy males stand in the dining hall.

“Man, I can’t believe there aren’t any forks,” remarks one, his thick lower lip turned in a pout. He moves one finger toward his collar unconsciously.

His friend looks sadly at the empty racks. “Yeah. I mean, I don’t even know anyone who uses spoons.”

– Across the dining hall, a guy stands up and starts singing “I’ll Make A Man Out Of You” from Mulan . About three quarters of the table joins in within seconds. One other guy grabs his tray, gets up and stalks away. “I thought we were done with this,” he says, darkly.

– Down the hallway, a pink-faced man is tying a lumpy plastic bag to a door. As I pass by, he looks up and smiles conspiratorially.

“It’s ladybugs,” he says.

– A punky blonde girl and redhaired boy – they look like a couple – are sitting with some others at a cafe table.

“But honestly,” says the boy, looking around the table. “Who sleeps with freshmen?”

As he looks back at the girl, she’s pointing straight at him. He shrugs.

– A professor, standing at the head of a class on prejudice and discrimination:

“Entries should be one page minimum, 12 point font. And please don’t write these drunk.”

“But what if you’re out drinking and someone says something racist?” asks a student in the back. “And you just have to write about it, but you won’t remember in the morning?”

The professor thinks about it for a minute. “Then I would take notes,” she says.

(Incidentally, the same professor suggested “gatorade and rice” as the best hangover cure.)

– Outside a dorm, three guys are sitting on the steps. They look sad about something

“Man, this sucks, dude, I’m so hungry.”

“Yeah,” says another. The smell of marijuana is thick in the air.

“F*ckin’ sucks,” the third says, mournfully.

At their feet, Lucky Charms are scattered about the steps.

COLLEGECANDY Writer
1. I turn my pillow over to the cool side about seven hundred times each night. 2. After college, I'm going to secede from the Union and become the King of Taco Bell.