The Hills: Everyone is Crying

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Due to the fact that I am a Jew, I had to miss the live episode of The Hills. As I sat at Rosh Hashanah dinner reflecting on the history of my people I couldn’t help but check my watch – every five minutes – as the 10 o’clock hour ticked on by. I sped home when dinner ended and boy am I glad I did.

Tonight’s episode was fantastico… and full of total a-holes.

The biggest was, of course, Spencer Pratt who made his girlfriend’s mom cry. I may be sorta old school, but I come from the school of thought that no matter how much you hate someone’s family, you always respect the parents. Not talk down to them. Not be a sarcastic d*ck head. You smile, pretend to think their jokes are funny and flatter them until you are blue in the face.

This is especially true in the Speidi situation because the mom clearly already hates Spencer for turning her daughter into a plastic Barbie (with horrible white hair that she really needs to stop pulling off her face because it only highlights her giant forehead.) But that is where Spencer and I differ (in addition to the fact that I would never date Heidi and I would kill myself if I were Spencer) because he just doesn’t understand what respect is.

Or holding a real job, but that is a different issue.

A-hole number 2 is Doug. I bet you thought I would say Stephanie, but no. Stephanie isn’t an ass, she’s just pathetic…not to mention a terrible liar. She is a Pratt, after all, so we know she is chemically imbalanced in some way. But Doug is just a douchey, immature frat boy who wears trucker hats, which have been out for 2 years now.

I used to love him (mostly cuz he had a plane…ok, only cuz he had a plane), but now I just want to run him over in his giant pimped out Range Rover. I don’t think there is anything wrong with him wanting to go out with Steph (besides the fact that she’s Stephanie, of course), but he needs to just admit that he likes her and move on. Not make it seem like she’s the one stalking him, or that he is doing some major charity work by begrudgingly taking her to dinner.

I’ve seen guys do this before and I know how it ends: everyone finds out. And, um, he’s on TV, so that is even more inevitable. I am not sure why or how Doug got so involved in this group (yes I do…it’s cuz he has a plane), but he needs to take his last-season trucker hat and scoot.

The final a-hole of the ep was Whitney. Not because she did anything wrong, but because she wore those weird suede flip flop ankle booties to the pool party. They are ugly, not really weather appropriate and a terrible material to wear when there is water nearby. I love you, Whitney, but if you want to get back on Team Not A-Hole, those “shoes” have to go.

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COLLEGECANDY Writer
COLLEGECANDY Writer
When my mom moved me into my dorm freshman year she left me $65 to buy a humidifier. I took that money and bought a pair of heels because I can sleep without damp air blowing in my face, but I can't rock a humidifier with a hot black mini.
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