Tuffy Luv Wants To Trust People Too!

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Dear Tuffy Luv,
I tend to be quick to trust and I need to work on that!
Recently it has come to my attention that one of, to my knowledge, BEST friends was actually talking behind my back to a couple other close friends. I only found this out recently after our friendship had disintegrated due to her never responding to my phone calls and emails after I had moved. I felt so crappy after she stopped responding to me. People around me were shocked because we were tied at the hip and everyone thought we were best friends (yay at least i’m not going crazy!)
Apparently though she found me annoying and couldn’t wait until I moved away so that she could stop hanging out with me.
WOW how high school can you get?! If you didn’t want to hang out with me why didn’t you just say so BEFORE I moved instead of making me look like a JACKASS thinking we were best friends!
Whew. Ok. Sorry. I’m back from my rant. So, anyway, long story short something similar happened to me before with another friend as well (she manipulated me for her own twisted amusement and then dumped me when she was done) and I have a bad feeling it is also happening currently with some close friends I met when I moved (I have a feeling that they are only keeping me around to use me for something but I don’t know what that “something” is yet).
Do you have any tips for me on how to stop being so trusting of other people?
I always believe the best in people but I know there’s a lot of users and losers out there that I need to wise up to! What are somethings I should do before fully trusting someone? “Tests” are kinda mean and manipulative so maybe there are just some red flags I need to look out for? I need all the help I can get!
Thank you so much!
Dear J,
Oh, honey. If only there were a way to know who was gonna hurt us. If I could bottle that, I’d be one rich bitch.
First of all, let me say, I’m sorry it took me so long to get back to you. I’ve been thinking about your letter a lot and trying to decide what to say.
My friend, I believe there are two things at work here:
(1) There are a lot of jerkfaces in this world and they mostly know how to pretend they ain’t. Manipulative people are great at manipulating you into thinking they aren’t manipulative. The only way to solve this part of the problem is to get to know people before you tell them things or consider them “close.” Take your time in friendships just as you would take your time in a relationship. College condenses relationships so that you think you know everything about people you may have met only a month ago. Always assume the best in a person, but also always hold back from trusting them the way you’d trust, say, your mom. Because you do not know these people. And that should be your mantra.
(2) You should reevaluate your friend choices AND the way you’re acting with people. Girl, if several friends have turned on you, it might be because you’re trusting the wrong people. But it might also be because you are acting in a way that is, well, annoying or untrustworthy. I’m not saying it IS you, but it’s a good thing to look at just in case. Take a step back from yourself. What might you have done to make these “friends” dislike you? If you can honestly say (HONESTLY, as in OBJECTIVELY) that it wasn’t you, then, seriously, honey, dump those friends and start over, and, this time, really learn about these people before you consider them your bffs.
Good luck! Drop me a line and let me know how it’s going!
Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv
[Image courtesy of boingboing.net]

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