Madonna and Guy Richie Figure Out What We Always Knew and Get a Divorce

Maybe Madonna isn’t meant for marriage. Maybe Guy Ritchie got tired of people whispering behind his back that his wife was tougher than him. Maybe he was too English and her accent was too fake. Whatever the case, sources close to couple say that a divorce announcement is immanent, and will most likely be made like…any day now.

“They can’t bear to live with the pretense any longer,” claims “a friend” of the couple to The Sun newspaper. “[Madonna and Guy] can now barely bring themselves to say two words to each other.”

Besides the fact that if a “friend” of mine ever spilled my break-up rumors to a national paper I’d personally make sure they suffered, most of us saw this divorce coming. Sometimes opposites attract, sure, but it seemed pretty clear that Guy Richie just wanted to make Snatch remakes and stay chill while Madonna wanted to work out until she was strong enough to become cyborg-like and finish taking over the world.

I’m sure we’ll hear a song set to a techno beat that details all the tribulations, and see a movie about a sad-sack English bloke who lost his high-powered girl, later on this year.

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