Alright people, let’s get two things straight. 1) I love (loooove) drinking and 2) I am pretty damn serious about my GPA. A paradox, I know, but one that has contributed greatly to my collegiate success (both in and out of the bars). Unfortunately these two qualities clash in a major way when my morning lectures (ok and sometimes afternoon classes if I’ve been hitting the Franz a little too hard) and hangovers coincide.
Naturally, my first reaction is to stumble out of bed, put on the first item of clothing that most nearly resembles sweatpants and yank a gym shirt over my head as I groan “ughhhhh” on the way out the door.
Sadly, professors and attractive classmates do not take kindly to my arrival in class looking like Britney circa February 2008–and chances are yours don’t either. So instead of being shunned for your dedication to class attendance (I mean, you’re making the effort right?!) I’ve thrown together a handy list of fashion saviors for even the most hungover of mornings.
You’ll look as put together as one possibly can after a night of hollering 80’s classics and harassing the bartender, and no one will be the wiser (except for the person sitting next to you enjoying your Eau de Skol…)
Last night’s silky tresses are now leaning more towards the dreadlock side, so sweep them into a low pony (or a messy bun if the case is severe enough to warrant it). Add a cute, skinny headband to add polish. Avoid thick or cloth headbands, which tend to emphasize your lack of coiffing. The pony will tighten the skin on your forehead and around your droopy eyes to make you look more alert. A headband sweeps the hair off of your face, giving you instant perk. Bonus: if your headband is metallic (think strands of silver, bronze or gold) the sparkle will add life to dull post-party skin and hair.
2. A nice jacket.
This staple can save you in the most extreme cases of morning after syndrome (even shacking!) If you have a cute bomber/blazer/ jean jacket handy you can salvage your look from the evening before. As long as your dress isn’t sequined, beaded or glittered (but I truly hope that glitter is not an issue unless you were at a 90’s themed party), throw your jacket over your dress, swap your stilettos for sandals (or steal a pair of his flip flops) and rock your dressed down cocktail attire with confidence. Disclaimer: DO NOT attempt if you don’t have access to necessary toiletries, make-up essentials and a hairbrush. Without those you will look like you’re Walk of Shame-ing it…straight to class.
If you go to school in a chillier climate, you probably are starting to have them handy. Luckily, even if you live in a warmer locale, scarves happen to be the biggest trend since trucker hats at the moment. Tie one on (tee hee) and revel in your fashionista look. Little do those jealous passers-by know that you are merely masking multiple hickeys and a hint of humiliation. Pair with a casual fitted shirt (weather permitting) and simple earrings. Layer on the bangles (both wrists girl!) to accessorize your cute look and throw on some sweet flats and no one will be the wiser that your casual chic is the result of a hangover.
4. F**king Fabulous Jeans.
You may want to buy them one size up to account for beer bloat (the ,Chuggin’ Queen of the Universe” comes with a price,babygirl), but any pair of denim that does wonders for your derrier, lengthens your legs and slims your thighs will lend you enough swagger to hide any remorse for your actions last light (although you should still apologize to that DJ you acosted for not playing the Hanson song you requested…5 times). It doesn’t even matter what you rock up top (but probably stay away from an extra large team hoodie…it screams hangover), just pair with some killer boots and sashay your cute butt into class.
5. Juicy Sweats.
It kills me to count them as even mildly fashion-savvy (because they’re not.) But I’ll be damned if they aren’t the most comfortable, annoyingly overpriced item I own (many times over). These suits are like chicken soup for my arms and hot fudge sundaes for my legs. Think of this outfit as a “break glass in case of emergency” ensemble. Only use it in the most extreme cases and DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT wear with Uggs, for God’s sake.
So there you have it. Looking cute hungover is not impossible, and it barely takes any forethought (a good thing, because I need all the snooze button repeats I can get when I’m hungover). Just don’t settle for the usual baggy/soft/dark qualities; throw open your closet doors and get creative–as creative as your headache will permit, at least. Don’t forget your extra-large sunglasses, a pop of blush and a Red Bull and you are on.your.way.