Gossip Girl Recap: Like a Bass Out of Hell

Woah. Woah. Woah. What did everyone think of Little J’s new look tonight? It’s sexy. It’s rocker-chic. It’s a cross between Ashlee Simpson and Hannah Montana. But way cooler.
Early in the episode, Blair commented to Dan, “Look who finally got a little interesting.” Meh. Dan’s still boring old foot-in-his mouth Lonely Boy to me, but Jenny! Jenny is the Humphrey who finally kicked it up a notch tonight.
Tonight was one of those nights where I screamed at my TV like a maniac. We got new characters, tons of partial nudity, and two fabulous lust stories unfolding, all in approximately 42 minutes of screen time. Chuck and Blair are still playing games, and daring each other to say the infamous “Three Words.” And you know what? I want them to freaking say it already!
Blair is so desperate, she’s taken to Lonely Boy for advice. And he delivers: “Keep your pride and get nothing, or take a risk, and maybe…maybe have everything.” Of course, Dan can’t walk away when he’s on top, so he sabotages Blair after Debbie-Downer Vanessa tattles on Blair and Chuck’s love games that she got served last week. Dammit, Dan!
Meanwhile, Jenny’s been hanging out with one of Eleanor’s models, Agnes, who keeps pointing out that Eleanor is just using Jenny. Agnes has the perfect solution: let a 15-year-old high school dropout start her own fashion line! Not that that would be the most ridiculous storyline that GG has offered us. So Jenny decides to go Brooke-Davis, swipes her designs from Eleanor, and jets off to take her top off with Agnes and her sexy photog friend. Because what would GG be without some gratuitous baring of flesh?
Another sexy addition to the GG cast this week is Aaron, the new artsy dude in town. He’s got his eye on Serena, and there’s definitely a connection, which prompts Aaron to present Serena with television’s most AWKWARD date invitation, ever, followed by television’s most bizarre post-rejection riddle, involving “Cecil the Caterpillar.” We later come to discover that “Cecil” is a reference to Serena’s days at European summer camp, and that she and Aaron might be fated (at least, for the time being). If I’ve lost you, don’t worry- it’s just another excuse to catch up on what I think is the steamiest ep to date.
Blair and Chuck’s game of horny cat-and-mouse came to an emotional pause tonight, when Chuck told Blair that once they say the three words, it will be the beginning of the end. What would become of Chuck and Blair holding hands? Chuck and Blair going to the movies? I have to admit, Chuckie has a point… but that doesn’t mean I didn’t scream, “Say the f*cking words!” repeatedly as tears streamed down Blair’s face.
Just when I thought the show couldn’t end on a better note, Nate busts in on Jenny and Agnes’ topless tea party and drags her naive ass out of there. Jenny asks Nate why he cares what she does, because, you know, he’s not her dad and he’s not her brother… but that only leaves one protective male role for Nate to play: her new lover!
Yes, friends, you read right! Jenny and Nate! Jenny and Nate! Jenny and Nate and a newly babe-ified Taylor Momsen with Chace Crawford’s hands all over her skinny ass. If I have to wait a few more episodes for some steamy Blair-and-Chuck booty calls, I will settle with the next best thing, which is our precious Little J getting the hottest piece on the whole show.
I wonder what breakfast is going to be like at the Humphrey house tomorrow.

The Hills: Justin REALLY Means It This Time
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