Alright, ladies…Black Friday is right around the corner. Are you ready?
They call it Black Friday for a reason…it’s not pretty. It’s a jungle. It’s women (and some men) at combat. It’s war. Savings like these are not to be taken lightly.
Sure, we could give you tips on how to survive the shopping nightmare like, map out a game plan, shop online, or just don’t go. But let’s be real, if you really want to survive Black Friday…you got to B-E A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E: be aggressive! BE BE AGGRESSIVE!
1) Cancel your appointment for your weekly mani. You are gonna need to use those nails to properly scratch the B*&^%$ who’s tryin to take the world’s most adorable coat at Banana Republic…and it’s 40% off. It’s yours!
2) My mom always said to look my best wherever I go in case I meet Mr. Right, cuz he could be anywhere (which I’m beginning to think is a total myth…but that’s neither here nor there). But for today, scratch the heels and strap on those Nikes. You are gonna need as much traction and comfort as you can get if you’re going to get those adorable Old Navy Cashmere sweaters in every color.
3) Trying clothes on is just annoying in general but waiting for a dressing room on Black Friday is absolutely unbearable. No time to wait in line…think of all the things you could be snagging! Like those adorable Vera Wang ankle boots you saw at Kohl’s that are now 50-60% off. Solution: layer your clothes. For example, wear a thin spaghetti strap under your shirt so you can try on any shirt without having to do the whole gross dressing room/flash the store thing.
4) Forget you’re a lady…push, shove, punch, kick! Whatever it takes! Your little sister is dying for that Bratz Magic Makeup Doll; who cares if they freak you out? They’re $9.99 at Toys-R-Us!! You’ll be damned if that soccer mom is gonna snag them all!
5) On that note, you might want to brush up on your self-defense tactics. B*&#$es be crazy and you need to be prepared. Make sure to really work on that upper cut. Promise it will come in handy when you are battling it out with some skank who wants the same pair of Ralph Lauren flats that will match your Christmas dress PERFECT! Um, hi, they’re 20% off and going home with you.
Good luck. May the force be with you.