Email your old (BUT NOT TOO OLD, DAMMIT!!!) friend Tuffy at firstname.lastname@example.org to get answers to your craziest questions. No question is too bizarre or too normal! Ask away! Tuffy’s column runs every other Tuesday.
Dear Tuffy Luv,
I have a question that I’ve been trying to solve for months but it just baffles me. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years; he’s really a great guy, but sometimes I just don’t understand him! Like a year and a half ago, we were talking about things we’d like to try in the bedroom. I’m usually the one who is more adventurous so I was trying to encourage HIM to come up with an idea and asked: “Is there anything you’ve really wanted to try but haven’t mentioned because you’re too afraid?” Big mistake.
So, apparently, like every other guy these days it seems, he wants a threesome. However, UNLIKE every other guy… he wants it to be MFM. I was shocked! I mean, what guy actually WANTS that?!? I asked him why on Earth he would want that and he seems to have this idea (I’m sure it came from a porn somewhere, LOL) that it would be amazing for me and he wants to see me pleased. But I don’t want to do it and I’ve told him. I think it’s gross and creepy. But he still seems to think that this would make our otherwise pretty routine sex life (that’s a complaint for another day though) more exciting.
The only problem I see with that story, if he’s so concerned with seeing me pleased, why doesn’t it show in our sex lives? He LOVES being at the receiving end of foreplay, but is rarely on the giving end. He doesn’t like to try new positions and when he finds something that I like, he’ll just do it over and over again until it’s really not that great anymore. I really think that he is self conscious (he still hates being naked around me if we’re not having sex) and afraid that if he tries something new I won’t like it. It’s just frustrating… the only way to get better is PRACTICE!
Help! Why would my boyfriend come up with an idea like this and then refuse to drop it after I said no way? Please, Tuffy, I’m writing to you in hopes that you WON’T give me the answer I’ve gotten from so many others: He’s gay. We both have a lot of mutual gay friends, he knows that I am totally OK with it. If he was, he would tell me and we wouldn’t be dating… especially for 5 years. And if he were bi, it wouldn’t change my feelings about him at all, and he knows that too.
-The Baffled Girlfriend
Dear Baffled Girlfriend,
Okay, no, I’m sorry. That might not be true. Maybe. Possibly.
Here’s the thing: Wanting a MFM does NOT make him gay. Look, having a MFF wouldn’t make YOU gay, right?
It’s his refusal to drop the subject that makes me a little nervous, especially coupled with the fact that he hasn’t made much of an effort in the past 5 years to make you feel particularly good. I mean, talk about a selfish lover.
Here’s what I think you should do:
Sit down with him and have That Talk. “Honey, you gay?” “No, baby, no.” “No, for real real, not for play play.”
Have the talk and tell him you won’t get mad either way. And then–don’t get mad either way. If he’s gay, it really (REALLY) sucks for you, but you care about him and so you have to continue to care about him either way. Besides, if he is gay, wouldn’t you rather know now than after you’re married?
I hope he’s not gay, but, to be honest, I think he probably is. Best of luck to you, girl. I hope it turns out okay.
Hearts & Skulls,