[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!
Leave your own overheard convos in the comments.]
“They’re a bunch of snot-suckers.”
“Like, they actually suck snot. They remove the physical snot from your head.
“Ew. So, literally, snot-suckers.”
“How do you one-up ‘Twlight’? They already did ‘vampires that can’t have sex.'”
“What about angels? Angels are sexy. Angels that can’t have sex.”
“How about angels that just don’t have any junk? No penis?”
“Or maybe they have two penises. Whaddya think?”
A man holding out a single-serving jelly package to a girl.
“I put sugar on it. It feels like a cat. Come on, try it.”
“It goes four a.m. diner, four-thirty omelettes, get home at five – and then it’s, hey, I have all these computer games here, and I guess I’m not tired anyway. And then I have a final.”
A crowd in an elevator, joined by an elderly elevator attendant.
Guy: “This elevator smells great. I mean, just great. Wow! Like, incredible.”
Elevator attendant, smiling: “Oh! … Well, I think it must be…” He peers through the crowd, pointing at one girl at the back of the elevator. “… You!”
“I’m so glad that ’90s youth culture already happened. I think we were just old enough to miss it.”
“Yeah, kids with that one tuft of hair, those cool khaki shorts, cut off just above the knees, you know. Day-glo print t-shirts”
“And the f***ing ridiculous made-for-TV insults. Hey, flab fairy! Hey, fart gnome!”
“The dip is the college sweat lodge.”
“It was really sad, you know. My dad used to watch Gilligan’s Island. Then… he stopped.”
Talking about video games:
“And the whole thing with breast physics – it’s such a joke! Like, how convincingly you can render bounce, how much wobble you can give the motion. I haven’t seen any game with ‘hyper-realistic testicle physics’ yet.”