Human Fat, an Alternative to Gasoline?

There are two things everyone know about Americans:

1. We are the fattest country in the world.

2. We are the largest oil consumer in the world.

(Honorable mention: we produced Paris Hilton.)

But what if we could solve both of those problems (sorry, there is no solving the Paris issue) at once?

Enter Dr. Alan Bittner, a plastic surgeon in Los Angeles. He used the fat he was sucking out of those vapid LA women and turned it into fuel for his SUV. Yes, you read that right: he drove to work with someone’s thighs.

Apparently, this isn’t anything new: “Fat–whether animal or vegetable–contains triglycerides that can be extracted and turned into diesel.” Even companies like Tyson are looking at using the animal fat – currently an annoying biproduct of production – to fuel their delivery trucks

This news not only means that we can stop “funding terrorism” by depending on the Middle East for oil, but that the U.S. could become the largest exporter of oil in the world! No need for offshore drilling; think of all those overweight Americans that we could drill! Think of all the money we could make!

If this isn’t an answer to all of our problems (obesity, dependency on the Middle East, the recession), I don’t know what is. Seriously, you can start right here. I have enough fat on my butt to get myself home for the holidays.

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