Inside The Hills Season Finale

Last night was the season finale of The Hills. We were sad for a minute, until Lauren promised there would be more episodes (yay!). The party was huge, and we had a CollegeCandy girl on the inside. Well, sorta; she was outside on the red carpet on a freezing cold NY night. Here is how she spent her evening:

The scene: Central Park West, Tavern on the Green
The temperature: f#$%#$ freezing. The E! News lady (who took several takes to figure out what day it was) claimed it was -10 DEGREES! The accuweather forecast in my cab, however, claimed 20 degrees, wind chills of 5 degrees. Either way, it was cold as balls.
They had about 3 heat lamps set up for the press bleachers. And the MTV people were handing out hand warmers, but overall, people were seriously disgruntled. (Commonly heard: “Why the hell did they think it was a good idea to have this outside?”)
When I got there, it was pretty evenly divided into two camps:
1) Shrieky girls in mini dresses and stillettos freezing their asses off waiting in line to get in
2) Grizzly press guys in Timberlands and puffy fur lined parkas laughing at them. (I like to think I fell somewhere in between. Upon arrival, they eyed me warily in my black boots and white wool coat. But once I started making jokes about Heidi’s implants freezing and Spencer’s lame ass attempt at a beard, I think they gave me the benefit of the doubt and offered up their spare handwarmers).
In addition to the crew, press, and sorostitute wannabes, ASPCA was on hand to make sure Spencer didn’t molest any horses over the course of the night (though technically they’ll claim it was to make sure the horse & carriage set up was animal friendly).
To stay warm, we traded gossip. And by traded, I mean I asked the camera guy next to me to tell me some stories of the trade while I showed him pictures of me and my friends from the bar last weekend. Then he got to the juicy stuff:.He said he was at the Grey Goose Charity Water Ball last week (hosted by Adrian Grenier) and Whitney was being a huge bitch. They were shooting scenes for The City and reshot things for a few hours. Also said “Olivia was really nice – posing for picture. Whitney refused and turned her back whenever someone tried to take a picture. I think Olivia needs to teach Whitney a thing or two about how we do things in NY.”
My favorite quote of the night goes to the guy holding the boom mic while E! was interviewing Stephanie Pratt. Something to the effect of, “The sheer frequency of use of the word “like” in this interview is just blowing my mind right now.” WIN.
Speidi was everything you’d expect them to be and more. They “rode” in a horse drawn carriage for approximately 10 feet for a photo op. They kissed on command. Ever the gentledouche, he insisted on putting her coat on for her, despite the 12 assistants standing at the ready.
Brody and Frankie were heckling Spencer from afar, yelling ‘nice beard buddy,’ so he walked into the middle of their interview and goes. “Hi, I’m here for the Bromance auditions.” It was actually pretty funny. Score one (tiny) point for Douchey McDoucherson.
Justin Bobby was awkward central. He didn’t know how to handle the carpet, smiled awkwardly a lot (in his emo Waldo striped hat and Rivers Cuomo glasses) and tried to shake everyone’s hand when they asked to interview him. It was actually kind of refreshing after watching the rest of the attention whoring cast go through.
Then, finally, the main ladies arrived. Lauren looked stunning, Audrina looked barbie-riffic, and Whitney looked like a flower child acid trip from the 60s (with a hint of DVF, of course). The MTV guy said something about people comparing her to Carrie Bradshaw. Oh HELL no, TRL boy. Whitney will NEVER fill those Manolos.
Once everyone was gone, the shreiking girls quieted down and my migraine finally had a chance to set in. I was tempted to go inside and see the show in there, but hot cocoa and Baileys was much more appealing. I did get lots of pictures, though, so check em out below!

The Hills Finale: Shockers and Drama and Boobs. The Usual.
The Hills Finale: Shockers and Drama and Boobs. The Usual.
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