Make It Work!: Top 5 Celeb Clothing Lines Most In Need of Tim Gunn’s Gentle Constructive Criticisms

tara-reid-clothing-line.jpgIn days of yore, clothing lines were created by people like Jeanne Lanvin, CoCo Chanel, Hubert de Givenchy; people with skill, talent, vision, taste. You know, fashion designers.

But nowadays, it seems like any celeb with some cash and spare time on their hands can slap a few pieces together and call it a collection. And while some lines knock it out of the park (why hello there, L.A.M.B.!), a vast majority fall more in the category of utter hot mess. Below is a sampling of the messiest of the hot messes.

5) The Kardashians: DASH – Oh, Kardashians. Kim becomes famous (?) by hanging out with Paris, nailing Ray J on tape, and having a mega huge ass, and the rest of the family rides on the coattails of her, um, success. Taking this into consideration, I suppose the Kardashian sisters’ line DASH makes sense; tacky, trashy, cookie-cutter and distinctly substandard, DASH looks very much like the $4.99 rack at Forever 21, only the items cost anywhere from 11 to 250 times as much. But I heard that every item is sprinkled with magical butt-expanding powder, so maybe that’s where the mark-up comes in.

4) Travis Barker: Famous Stars and Straps – I don’t like ghetto style. Baby Phat, Ed Hardy, gold tribal embellishments on jeans, air-brush aesthetics, ew. No thank you. But while a line may not suit my tastes personally, I’ll still give it props for being good for what it is (insert a nod to Apple Bottoms). Unfortunately, Travis Barker’s Famous Stars and Straps has the double issue of going for an aesthetic that is inherently fug and is badly done. From an uninspired/outdated logo that’s plastered on EVERYTHING to graphics that scream seventh grade, Famous is the clothing equivalent of the suburbs: generic, boring, and painfully white trying to front like it’s fly.

3) Beyonce: House of Dereon – I remember the first time the truly horrendous designs of the House of Dereon were brought to my attention. Destiny’s Child was still together and the ladies were walking the red carpet at some event, all of them wearing matching green and gold gowns that barely looked classy enough to be worn at the Adult Movie Awards. “Damn,” I thought, “What designer conned them in to wearing those hideous get ups?” Answer: Beyonce’s mom. Since then, Tina Knowles, with the help of her daughter Ms. Fierce, have created season after season of high-end frocks and streetwear that seem to be based on the idea that anything worth doing is worth overdoing. Belts, sequins, ruffles, florals, leopard prints, seams, studs, pockets, buckles, zippers, fur; these ladies rock it all… to the point where pieces look like an explosion at the Jo-Anne Fabrics store. An ugly explosion. An ugly expensive explosion. Boo.

2) Elizabeth Hurley: Beach – So now you know – Elizabeth Hurley makes clothes. But, uh, you’re not missing out on much. Hurley’s resort wear line Beach is pretty much a carbon copy of every Newport News catalog since 1998; we’re talking dumpy Indian-inspired Mandarin-collared kaftans, terry cloth hoodies, a-line polka dot dresses with fringy dangly ball trim…you know, sh*t your mom would wear at the beach over her ruffle-skirted bathing suit. However, as Elizabeth Hurley is one of the hottest people on the planet and is married to a multi-millionaire Indian prince or something, I’m guessing something as trivial as a god-f**king-awful clothing line won’t really set her back much.

1) Tara Reid: Mantra – Candy-bright colors, synthetic fabrics, those plastic Rose Art beads you used to make necklaces out of when you were a kid, and Tara Reid. That pretty much covers it.

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