Sexy Time: 5 Facts That Will Scare the S**t Out of You

Two days ago, I went to my university’s health center. Now usually I completely disregard any information I get at the health center on the grounds of either a) I have heard that every year since I first took sex ed in 7th grade, or b) they’re full of ish.

But this time, by the luck of the draw, I happened to get a check-up from someone that (gasp!) actually knew what they were talking about. Now I’m not saying you should listen to this doctor (nurse practitioner if you want to get technical) instead of your own, but these are a few little known facts I picked up that I thought I would share. Beware, as these tidbits may scare you away from sex for life (or at least for the night).

1. In order for your birth control to be 99.7% effective, you must take it every day within 30 minutes of the same time.

Apparently, the hormones that make you temporarily infertile only work for 24 straight hours. According to Susan (the nurse practitioner), you should be okay if you miss the time by 1 to 2 hours. If you miss more than that, however, you should use condoms for at least a week.

2. If you don’t take birth control at the same time every day, the effectiveness can be as low as 92%.

For all of you that have taken statistics, that means you have an 8% chance of getting preggers. Let me say that clearer: the chance of you having a small person come out of you in 9 months is 26 times higher if you don’t take your b.c. regularly. Noooo thank you.

3. Some STDs, especially HIV, have an incubation period of up to 6 months.

That means that even if you are negative for the disease today, you won’t be in the clear until you have another negative test 6 months from now. And that only applies if you haven’t engaged in any high-risk sexual activity. In short, make him wrap it up.

4. You can get HIV easier from oral-anal contact aka “rimming” (the grossest sex slang ever) than from any other form of oral sex.

This one was in a Safe Sex pamphlet that Susan so generously gave me. Not that I’m recommending that everybody run and try this one out, but just use that fact to put things into perspective.

5. Alcohol and drugs can weaken your immune system, making you more susceptible to infection.

Yes kids, that includes STDs and other icky things. I can also testify that being drunk makes having sex, especially enjoyable sex, just that much more difficult to maneuver. What’s more, according to my lovely pamphlet, alcohol and drugs can also impair your judgment and make you do things you may regret in the morning. Who knew?

Pillow Talk with Diana: “Is He Blowing Me Off or Am I Paranoid?”
Pillow Talk with Diana: “Is He Blowing Me Off or Am I Paranoid?”
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