G.W.W.E.: Chris “Come To Me” Martin

Since Valentine’s Day is tomorrow, it should go without saying that this week’s G.W.W.E. is an especially worthy fella. This year, there’s only one man with whom I’d like to share a romp in the sack–and that’s Chris Martin from Coldplay .

You’ve got to understand that this is no ethereal crush. My love for dear ol’ Chris dates waaaay back to the ancient times of the late 1990s, when the music video for Yellow was all over MTV. I was a gangly, frizzy-haired sixth-grader, and he was a poetic, articulate, blue-eyed Brit. Deep in my heart, I knew that the stars were shining for me, as he proclaimed, and there was nothing more I wanted than to soothe his aching heart by lying him down right there on that beach and effing him into submission. Yes, I was a very precocious sixth-grader.

Shortly thereafter, Chris and Coldplay rocketed to superstardom. Over the past nine years, the band has released four studio albums, in conjunction with breathtaking music video release after breathtaking music video release (hello? The Scientist?).  All over the world, people were falling in love with Chris. Men, women, parents, grandparents, teachers–it was Coldplay mania!

I was okay with the world adoring Chris (we had that special “Yellow” connection, after all. Sara + Chris, 2gether 4ever.) – even after that infamous “You know how I know you’re gay?” comment from The 40-Year-Old-Virgin – but I had my heart broken in 2003, when Chris married uber-babe actress Gwyneth Paltrow. I’ve since recovered from my heartache, realizing that just because he’s married doesn’t make Chris any less of a hottie. While he and I may not be riding off into the sunset alone, I’ve begun to realize a couple of reasons why he is the most effable rock star in the world–ones that have nothing to do with how good he looks in a t-shirt.

For one thing, Chris has been lauded for his work with Oxfam International, a network of organizations seeking to end poverty and injustice. He has been widely photographed with the network’s “Make Trade Fair” logo on his hand. He was in Shaun of the Dead and has collaborated with Kanye West and Jay-Z. This week in particular has been a banner week for Mr. Martin – an interview on 60 Minutes and awards at the Grammys…and if I had my way, a nice Valentine’s Day eff. Mmm.

Keep your hands off of him, Paltrow. He’s mine.

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College Classes That Won’t Bore You
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