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Sexy Time: Guys Are Like Cell Phones…

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no611000nk6.jpgSex is kinda like a cell phone. You can live without it, but in the end, would you really want to? Like our cell phones, we all end up taking what we can get in a pinch. We may not be happy with the phone (or person) we choose, but sometimes anything can be better than nothing.

I’ve taken the liberty to analyze the various sexual shenanigans we get ourselves into, and I think I’ve come onto something. I’m starting to think that our sexual partners closely resemble that of our cellular telephone devices. Think I’m full of s**t? Well read on, nonbeliever.

The Crap Nokia aka The One Night Stand

So you’re hovering over the frat house toilet seat, trying not to get an STI or pee on yourself, and your phone slips out of your back pocket and plops into the water. Suddenly, you’re out of a cell phone and you need one, STAT. Just like getting dumped or running into your ex, I would think of this as a rather desperate situation. So what do you do? You go for the next easy thing that comes along and satisfies your basic needs. Just like your friend’s gigantic Nokia phone with Snake and an antenna, a one night stand will be there for you when you need one thing and one thing only. You may use Mr. Nokia for a night or two, but you can bet you’ll toss that puppy as soon as something better comes along.

The Motorola Razor aka The Friend with Benefits

Like a good friend, the Razor will always be there waiting for you when you need it. Even though it came out, like, twelve years ago, you can always get this puppy in a pinch without feeling totally desperate. Back when it was new, you may have put it (or a great guy friend/hook up) on a pedestal. Now that it’s been around for a while, however, you recognize its shortcomings and appreciate it for its ability to satisfy your basic needs without becoming too attached. Plus, if you decide to upgrade and it won’t work out, you can count on the Razor guy to be around when you need him most.

Blackberry aka The New Relationship

When I got my blackberry, I couldn’t put it down for the life of me. I just kept playing with it incessantly, causing my roommate to constantly make fun of me for being addicted to my “crackberry.” Just like a blackberry, a new relationship can feel like an addiction of sorts, whether it’s an addiction to the person, the sex, or the way that you feel in their presence. And, unlike the Razor or the Crap Nokia, the Blackberry has the ability to satisfy many needs rather than just the basics. This is the kinda phone (or gent) that you’ll want to hold onto as long as it works and fits into your lifestyle.

iPhone aka The Lover

Now I’ve never had an iPhone, but I can imagine once you own one you’ll never want to have anything else. The iPhone can do pretty much anything. It comes with the basic features, but, over time, you can add more and more applications to tend to all areas of your life. Once you get one of these babies, you’re gonna hold onto it as long as you can. Seriously, would anybody think twice about trading in the Iphone for a janky Nokia, Razor, or even a Blackberry? Just like a great love, you wouldn’t sacrifice the one that satisfies all of your needs for one that can only temporarily fulfill the most basic of desires.

Have you found your iPhone or are you still hangin round with the Crap Nokia, waiting for something better to come along? Let me know what’s on your mind!

COLLEGECANDY Writer