The City: Bienvenido A Miami

I went to South Beach once. I ate really good sushi, stared into stores that I couldn’t even afford to walk into, and drunkenly slipped and fell on a stair leaving my entire left butt cheek so bruised I had to stand for the flight back to Michigan.  My trip would never have made good TV, which is probably why I am not on The City: too much ass, not enough drama.

The NYC kids (well, except Allie who was busy making porn in NYC) were sick of the dreary winter days so they decided to take a trip to Miami. Should be fun, right? Wrong. Obviously, drama follows these kids wherever they go and, obviously, Jay’s ex-fling (who he denies going home with that night after he and Whit started doin’ the dirty) happened to be at the same bar. Was it because she’s a total stalker? Perhaps.  A Coincidence? Perhaps. Whatever the reason, it turned the drama all the way up.

For someone who wants nothing to do with her and just wants to put the whole sitch behind him, Jay sure did get a bit jealous when he saw her with a dude. “Danielle’s over there with her f**king new boyfriend. But I don’t care. Really, I don’t…. I’m just gonna go over there and say hi.”

And what does he ask her to do? Clear the air with Whitney. This reminds me of the time when I accidentally broke my mom’s favorite ceramic tchotchke. I didn’t want her to know I did it and for the next week I kept saying things like, “I can’t believe that broke,” and “Gosh, I wonder who broke that.” See where I’m going with this? All that talking only made me look more guilty. Eventually, my mom figured it out…and withheld my allowance for a month.

When will Whitney start withholding “allowance,” huh?

Meanwhile, Adam is sitting in the bar chugging Patron from the bottle and hanging out with tons of bitches. Erin alerts Allie to this (even though I’m pretty sure calling from the bar is not the smartest idea), which brings the sh*tstorm back to NYC. Adam and Allie meet at a bar (even though they live together), they fight again and Adam begs her to let him earn her trust back.

Here’s an idea, Adam: stop acting like a manwhore. You can only regain this chick’s trust once (a week), so keep your d**k in your pants for once and stop acting like an ass when A) your GF’s friends are around and B) When MTV cameras are around. Do you really love this girl, or do you just need someone to split the rent with you?

When Erin returns from Miami she meets up with that other random friend for lunch at Bergdorf’s (standard) and immediately starts rubbing the whole trip in her face. The girl didn’t even have a chance to say hello before Erin jumps into how fun it was and how much drama there was. She doesn’t trust Adam:  “I smell a little ahi tuna…” she says. That’s her cute way of saying something smells fishy, but I think it may be the fact that she’s wearing a silk short-romper without any undies.

I’m just sayin….

The dramatic ep. ends when Whitney invites Jay’s bandmate’s GF out for a shopping trip….er…..”tell me everything you know about Jay” session. The girl confirms what we know and Whitney refuses to believe: Jay’s a lying bastard. Whitney has suspected this all along but, like most girls, has tried to push her doubts away and believe the best. Now, standing in an overpriced NYC boutique, her worst fears have been confirmed.

OMFG! What is she going to do now?

My guess? Go back to him, obvi. I mean, it’s not time for the season finale yet, is it?

Candy Dish: Jennifer Aniston Looked FAB Last Night…
Candy Dish: Jennifer Aniston Looked FAB Last Night…
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