Changing the Single Guy…Or Not

We’ve all heard it before:

“I just got out of a relationship.”

“I really like where we are, and I want to be really close with you, I just don’t want to date you because of my ex-girlfriend.”

“My ex-girlfriend and I are really close, but I swear we’re not dating. We’re just friends (who hook up when we’re home and text each other to make sure that neither one of us has found anyone significant enough to ruin what we have going for the summer).”

Welcome to every single girl’s worst nightmare. Not because we necessarily want to date this guy, but because once we hook up with him; once we learn that not only is he cute, but he is smart and makes us laugh and makes the bedroom spin; we think that we are THE ONE. We are the only person in the world who can make this guy forget about his ex-girlfriend, because we are just that special, and, more importantly, we are HERE, and she is 1,000 miles away at a different school.

You know the scenario: your friend starts hooking up with a guy who has no interest in a girlfriend. The two of you spend the entire night laughing about it and chalking it up to a one-night thing, but then something strange happens: he texts her. They hook up again. And then he texts her on a weeknight. And comes over sober. And before you know it, this friend and Mr. “I’m Just Getting Out of a Relationship” are only hooking up with each other.

Four months ago I became that girl. I started hooking up with a guy who I knew had just broken up with a two-year long girlfriend, and though I knew he didn’t want anything, neither did I, so it was fine. However, as we progressed, he started texting me in the middle of the day, coming over to see me after he’d been at the library, and told me that he wasn’t hooking up with anyone else at school. In my mind, I knew that we weren’t going to date, but it was hard to wrap my head around; he lived a half an hour from me at home, fit all of my prerequisites for a boyfriend, and, man, could he kiss.

When we went home for Christmas, we did not see each other, but we texted and talked on the phone. Thinking that it would just go back to the way it was when we returned to school, I went and saw him…and there it still was. However, two weeks later, he informed me that his ex-girlfriend was coming to visit, and while the two conversations that had come up about her had included the term “obnoxious” and, “thank God I’m not seeing her anymore,” this conversation was the first time I had ever thought of her as a real person…that he loved.

Of course while she was there I didn’t hear from him. And, surprise, a week later, when she left, I got the “Let’s Hang Out” text message. And that was when I learned that despite our seemingly perfect quasi-relationship, I was just another hook-up. A long hook up, but still, just another hook up.

So there was my lesson. As He’s Just Not that Into You states, “You are not the exception. You are the rule.” And while my friends seek me out for guy advice because I always give it to them how I see it, when I saw the same patterns for myself, I completely ignored them.

And there was the lesson to all girls: if you like a guy and he says he doesn’t want a girlfriend, run away. While you may not want a boyfriend at the beginning (or at least try to convince yourself of that), you may end up falling for him, and a guy who says he doesn’t want a girlfriend doesn’t mean he didn’t want a girlfriend until you came along… it means he doesn’t want a girlfriend. He means he has fun with you, wants to sleep with you, and he may even like you when he’s sober, but no, he does not want to date you.

Senioritis: A College Senior’s Bucket List
Senioritis: A College Senior’s Bucket List
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