Senioritis: I Have No Future

cap-graduation.jpgDear Waiter-Full-Of-Wisdom,

I recently had the pleasure and delight of meeting you while I dined during my Spring Break. I had planned on enjoying a simple dinner with friends, so you can imagine what a fabulous surprise it was to discover that you were not only a waiter, but also a career advisor and stock market analyst. At first you played coy by just taking our drink orders and delivering our food. Don’t get me wrong, you did a stupendous job as a waiter, but you didn’t really start to shine until the small talk began.

It started slow – hometowns, hobbies, and colleges. But then we when we got to majors, your true expertise came out. You asked around the table what everyone was studying. Psychology, English, Sociology. Then I said my major, communications. Your mouth dropped open and you threw your tray up into the air.

“Communications!?!?!? There’s no future in that.”

I managed to restrain myself and not get into the real intricacies of my major within my communications school. I clapped my hand over my mouth to stop myself from shouting out, “You’re a 42 year old waiter working at an amusement park. There’s no future in that.”

And everything would have progressed normally from there (minus your lack of a tip), except you felt the need to keep talking. “Now sociology, that’s a solid major, you can go far with that, but communications, aw man, good luck finding a job.” I’m used to people thinking communications is a joke major, but I will absolutely not accept a statement about sociology being a better major for future careers. Unless people-watchers start getting paid, I’m not really sure where exactly that degrees goes besides grad school applications.

But it was my spring break and I was determined not to do anything but stay relaxed. So I let you keep talking as I silently bent a metal spoon in half under the table.

“The market’s so bad right now and it’s not getting better, economy’s in the toilet, you’re never getting a job.” Really? Did you really think that I was unaware of the economic situation right now? I guess you didn’t. Because you put on your CNBC hat and kept talking. By the time I finished my dinner you had informed me that we are in some kind of situation called a recession, I should look into other majors, and my basketball team had a big game tonight. I can’t lie. I did appreciate that final fact. Since the game turned out to be somewhat history-making.

Finally you cleared our plates all on one arm and left. And I appluad you for that. I could never balance more than one plate on my arm, let alone seven. So therefore I would never try to give you advice on your job as a waiter. And in exchange, I would greatly appreciate it if you would stick to dispensing napkins instead of career advice from now on. I know how hard it’s going to be after graduation without everyone from my waiter to mailman telling me.

I’m going to cry into my pillow now.



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