Senioritis: I Have No Future

Dear Waiter-Full-Of-Wisdom,

I recently had the pleasure and delight of meeting you while I dined during my Spring Break. I had planned on enjoying a simple dinner with friends, so you can imagine what a fabulous surprise it was to discover that you were not only a waiter, but also a career advisor and stock market analyst. At first you played coy by just taking our drink orders and delivering our food. Don’t get me wrong, you did a stupendous job as a waiter, but you didn’t really start to shine until the small talk began.

It started slow – hometowns, hobbies, and colleges. But then we when we got to majors, your true expertise came out. You asked around the table what everyone was studying. Psychology, English, Sociology. Then I said my major, communications. Your mouth dropped open and you threw your tray up into the air.

“Communications!?!?!? There’s no future in that.”

I managed to restrain myself and not get into the real intricacies of my major within my communications school. I clapped my hand over my mouth to stop myself from shouting out, “You’re a 42 year old waiter working at an amusement park. There’s no future in that.”

And everything would have progressed normally from there (minus your lack of a tip), except you felt the need to keep talking. “Now sociology, that’s a solid major, you can go far with that, but communications, aw man, good luck finding a job.” I’m used to people thinking communications is a joke major, but I will absolutely not accept a statement about sociology being a better major for future careers. Unless people-watchers start getting paid, I’m not really sure where exactly that degrees goes besides grad school applications.

But it was my spring break and I was determined not to do anything but stay relaxed. So I let you keep talking as I silently bent a metal spoon in half under the table.

“The market’s so bad right now and it’s not getting better, economy’s in the toilet, you’re never getting a job.” Really? Did you really think that I was unaware of the economic situation right now? I guess you didn’t. Because you put on your CNBC hat and kept talking. By the time I finished my dinner you had informed me that we are in some kind of situation called a recession, I should look into other majors, and my basketball team had a big game tonight. I can’t lie. I did appreciate that final fact. Since the game turned out to be somewhat history-making.

Finally you cleared our plates all on one arm and left. And I appluad you for that. I could never balance more than one plate on my arm, let alone seven. So therefore I would never try to give you advice on your job as a waiter. And in exchange, I would greatly appreciate it if you would stick to dispensing napkins instead of career advice from now on. I know how hard it’s going to be after graduation without everyone from my waiter to mailman telling me.

I’m going to cry into my pillow now.



St. Patty’s Day And Class? It’s Possible!
St. Patty’s Day And Class? It’s Possible!
  • 10614935101348454