You set your alarm for 6:00 AM. You haven’t seen the clock that early since your high school days. Unlike your high school days, though, you don’t hit snooze 5 times. In fact, you shoot out of bed, excited for the day to come.
You shower and dress yourself in your cutest green outfit (that you laid out last night) before heading out with the roommates to get in line for Kegs & Eggs (and a free t-shirt!) at one of the campus Pubs.
By the time 8am rolls around, you are chugging an Irish Car Bomb. By 8:30, your tongue is a bright shade of green, which you show off in the 26 selfies you take with your roommate.
The scene at the first bar gets old after awhile, so you grab your friends and move on. You stumble down the street en route to a house party giving a “Woohoo!” and high five/hug to every other St. Patrick’s Day celebrator on the street. You stop and heckle that kid who is clearly going to class. “What is wrong with you?! It’s OUR holiday!!” You run into someone dressed as a Leprechaun and make him take a picture with you. (And think to yourself, “I’ll just tag him as Random Leprechaun Dude.”)
When you finally make your way to the party, you immediately hop on a team for green flip cup. Another Leprechaun Dude fills the cups with beer, but it looks different than the stuff you had at the bar. You soon find out that green beer is expensive, so these guys made it themselves by mixing food coloring into the cups/pitchers.
Three rounds later, not only is your tongue a nice shade of green, but your lips and chin as well from all that chugging. You take 14 more selfies with your flip cup team, which you have now dubbed “The Green Bearded Ladies.”
It is now 1pm and you are wasted. “KISS ME, I’M IRISHHH!” you scream at anyone who will listen. One drunk dude does (yes, even with your green beard), but closing your eyes makes you want to hurl so you pull away.
Another group of friends calls. They are at a bar. With food. You decide to head over there.
6 hours and a small pizza later (which you only know about because there is a pizza box in your bed and marinara sauce in your hair), you wake up fully clothed. With your shoes on. The last thing you remember was an order of cheese fries and a green long island iced tea.
Your cell phone is in your hand, yet somehow you missed 11 calls and 22 text messages. You get up and look in the mirror. Your chin is green, your hands are covered in bar stamps and the shirt you are wearing is not yours.
Besides the cotton mouth, though, you feel pretty good. Your phone buzzes again – a text message. “Where you be, biznaaaatch? Come to the bar!”
You run your fingers through your hair, grab the final piece of pizza out of the box, and head out for St. Patrick’s Day Round 2.
Yeah, we’ve all been there. And it truly is the greatest day of the year.
[Photo courtesy of The Orion]