Overheard: Stop Poking Me!

[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!]

(Frustrated girl, at a computer.)

Girl: Who is this person? This ‘giant-nasty-rotting-vagina’ person? Wrote the thing about the giant Husky penis?

(Girl and guy, at the dining hall.)

Guy: This fish is weird. It’s like salmon, but it’s not quite there. I don’t like it.

Girl: Did you eat the skin?

Guy: Uh. Oh. Yup.

(Girl on the phone.)

Girl: I can’t get on that plane! I hate planes! I’m always afraid they’re gonna commit ritual suicide or something!

(Girl reading a paper.)

Girl: I think the world is ending. We all stopped smoking [weed], and suddenly we’re comedians.

(Guy, being snarky.)

Guy: Changing the laws of physics isn’t something you just do. It’s something I just do.

(Two guys in the hallway. One has a snazzy jacket.)

Guy 1: I like it. You look like a really… cool, gay English professor.

Guy 2: Yeah, that’s exactly what I was thinking. Well, the gay part, at least.

(Angry girl.)

Girl: The state is paying to put giant boobs on my campus!

(Two guys on a bench outside.)

Guy: They’d all say, oh, that’s horrible. Then they go jerk off. Pretty much the human response to every problem.

(Two guys standing near a crosswalk.)

Guy 1: I bet these crosswalks are, like, big video games for drivers.

Guy 2: Yeah.

Guy 1: Like Frogger.

Guy 2: I guess I was thinking like Mortal Kombat. Or Doom.

(Girls talking between rows of desks.)

Girl 1: I’m gonna get so fat on Easter.

Girl 2: Yeah, my weight loss plan goes sex, sex, sex, green beans, sex, sex.

(Guy and girl, yelling at each other.)

Guy: I’m getting my ass kicked by zombies and you’re just sitting there! What do I pay you for? Stop jerking off and help me!

(Boy, regretful, with coffee.)

Boy: I hate what the Internet’s done to me. If anyone ever asks what I’m listening to, I have to say “a Mega Man rock opera I found on YouTube.”

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