Senioritis: No Offense, But…

I’ve always appreciated the phrase “no offense but (insert ANYTHING!)” for it’s ability to take away all offense to the next part of the statement. I went through about a thirteen year phrase where I truly believed that saying “no offense, but” before I said the most heinous thing possible would make it impossible for the person to be mad at me.

Needless to say I lost a few (all) friends over this phase.

As the time starts to tick down at school I’m not only getting increasingly nostalgic (remember that hilarious time I fell on the ice and broke my tailbone!??!) but also increasingly eager to dole out some honesty before certain people go out to the real world. Hence I started the first official Honesty Month at Syracuse. It’s an entire month of “no offense but.” I know, fabulous idea right?

And I really don’t mean offense to a lot of the people that are going to experience Honestly Month first-hand. I truly want them to know that their behaviors, habits, and personality quirks are completely unacceptable both on campus and off. For example, if you ever push me the way that you always push me in the bathroom line at the bar in your soon-to-be workplace, you’re not going to last very long. Or if you think that your favorite outfit is truly okay outside of theme party (and you seem to think that) you will find yourself the joke of your hometown. Or, my most long-awaited one: Mrs. [insert loving mother of some guy who treated you like sh*t], are you aware you raised your son to treat woman as if he was a neanderthal?

Now, I suggested that the best way to kick off Honesty Month would be to create a friendship bracket similar to March Madness. I’m not really into basketball and I wasn’t completely aware that Syracuse even had a team until we started winning, so I missed the whole bracket fun. I think it would be a fun and interesting way to find out who we like best and a great jumping off point for who needs some honesty to help improve themselves. I haven’t worked out all the kinks yet – I’m not sure how people would advance or how to convince my friends that this isn’t one of my awkward jokes but rather a legitimate suggestion – but that’s neither here nor there.

I gotta get this thing moving fast; the month has already started and I have friends to offend, lose, and enlighten along the way.

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