The Hills: Is That Bar Really Called “Big Wangs”?

Tonight was a pretty stellar night. First, I worked out next to a total hottie on the elliptical (but didn’t muster up the courage in my sweaty ‘beater to say anything), then I came home and watched an AMAZING episode of Gossip Girl while eating an ice cream sandwich, and then Spencer and Heidi went to therapy.

When I die, I hope heaven is this good.

A lot of little things happened on tonight’s episode of The Hills. There was the budding romance between Audrina and Brody, or, more likely, MTV trying to make it seem like some big thing that will ultimately end with nothing ever happening. There was Stephanie being a giant moron at People’s Revolution where we learn she can’t answer phones and she doodles when people yell at her (probably because she can’t turn to coke and heroin anymore).

But those were only an appetizer to the delicious drama that was served up next.

Like Jusin Bobby making a return to the scene with a new shorter ‘do and bushier beard. What’s not new: his obsession with ugly hats. Oh and his deep life lessons: “Do you know how quick our life is here on earth?”
I’m not really sure how that made any sense in the context of the “you don’t treat me well” conversation with Audrina, but I guess I never expect that dirtball to make any sense. Audrina, on the other hand, falls right into dirty-finger-nailed grasp and is immediately taken with him again.

I just don’t get it. Besides the fact that this kid is awful and disgusting and dirty, Audrina literally goes from “It would never work” chat with Sleazy T to “I’m crazy in love with you” with JB. Seriously, all she did was turn her head. I know the girl isn’t the brighest bulb, but is it possible that turning her head shook her brain clean like an Etch-a-Sketch? One minute she’s all about being single, then – shake, shake, shake – she just wants Justin back.

Maybe those two just need a little extra nudge. No, not from Brody; from Speidi’s couples therapist!

Not that I understand why a couple of 25-year-olds really need a therapist. I always thought that couple therapy was for old married couples that just don’t have that spark anymore, not for people still making money off of a teen drama on MTV. At this point in our lives, if your relationship isn’t working, you don’t get a therapist, you just break up, get drunk and hook up with other people, then realize how much you miss the other person and go back.

And even if that wouldn’t work for Speidi, it’s not like this woman could. She’s a therapist, not a de-douch-bagger. There is nothing on this planet that will change Spencer – not even a Beverly Hills therapist.

We’ll just have to wait and see how that all turns out.
Who knows? Maybe the entire crew will be sitting on that couch next week after the girls crash the Hawaii surf party. That would just be icing on my (fat-free) Hills cake.

Squirrel Orgy
Squirrel Orgy
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