Thank You, Swine Flu!

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According to every single headline I’ve seen this morning, it seems that there is an outbreak of something called the Swine Flu. I don’t really know what it is (or what pigs have against us…besides the fact that we only like them for their fatty and delicious goodness), but my finger started hurting last night and I can only assume I have caught it.

Schools and businesses are being closed because of this sitch, and people from NY to Chicago are walking around town with SARS masks on.

But while the rest of the world is freaking out, I couldn’t be happier.

Seriously, schools and businesses are closing? Holla back, y’all. This swine flu is the perfect excuse for just about anything this week and I plan to milk it for all it’s worth:

“Sorry, teach, can’t make it to class today. Wouldn’t wanna catch the swine flu!”

“I could go to the gym. Or I could stay home and not take any risks catching the swine flu off that Stairmaster.”

“I hear binge drinking is GREAT for protecting myself against the swine flu.”

“No, you should really come home with me. My bed (and va jay jay) is the safest place to be right now.”

This is the best news I’ve heard since I found out Ugly Betty was coming back for another season. I’m not leaving the house all week; I have to do whatever I can to stay safe. So than you, Miss Piggy and friends. And stay safe out there, people.

COLLEGECANDY Writer
COLLEGECANDY Writer
I always keep brownies in my purse. Right next to my flask. And a pack of orange mint Orbit.
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