It was the second to last weekend of college. Lawns were packed by day and the bars were crowded at night. Therefore it makes sense that it was the weekend that I contracted a deadly disgusting eye infection that prevented me from socializing properly. I won’t go into details, but it wasn’t pretty. But the worst part wasn’t my eyes, it was the fact that I couldn’t wear contacts for five whole days.
I wear my glasses so rarely at college that my roommate didn’t believe that I was telling the truth about even wearing contacts. They bring back memories of braces, awkwardness, and greasy hair so I try to avoid them at all costs. Even when I’ve had eye issues before I’ve gone the one-contact-contract-a-headache route rather than wear glasses. But this time I didn’t have a choice; it was either my permanent eyesight or glasses in public. I debated for a few minutes and had a short and pleasant daydream about life with two glass eyes.
Then I picked up my eye drops and prepared my social suicide. At first I decided I was just going to hibernate for five days and not let anyone see me in my glasses. I’m not the type of person that looks more scholarly in my glasses; I’m the type of person that looks like the one-eyed Fratelli brother from the Goonies. But then I gave myself a pep talk that it was almost the end of college and it was stupid of me to stay in just because I felt like I looked like Trunchbull’s less attractive librarian sister. I had to leave my apartment and I had to go to happy hour.
Then my friend laughed at me (that’s you Jessie!) like I was Josie Grosie and I chickened out. So instead I put on giant sunglasses to hide the sorry state that was my eyes and I went out completely blind. It was all fun and games until I actually got to the bar and actually couldn’t see anyone. Finding my way to the bathroom proved more challenging then coming up with ugly movie characters to compare myself to in this blog. And no less than ten people made “too sunny in here for you?” jokes to which I replied, “actually I have a contagious, and possibly deadly eye infection.” It went over really well. Needless to say I went home alone that night.
However I didn’t learn my lesson. At all. And I did the sunglasses trick again during a huge outdoor drinking event the next day. I thought because it was daytime I could get away with my sunglasses. However the excessive drunkery (myself as well as others) plus record-breaking heat did not go well with the zero vision. Maybe I’m making a huge leap right now but I feel safe saying that I now know how Helen Keller felt.
Finally, Sunday night I gave in to myself and wore my glasses out. And to my astonishment, no one even said anything to me. There were no laughs or snickers or Molly American Girl Doll references.
But I’ve still added Lasik to graduation gift wish list.