[One of the greatest aspects of college life is the morning-after recap with friends. You stumble out of bed, grab your liquid of choice, and gather around the living room to replay (and remind yourself of) the events of last night. You laugh, you cringe and you share the highest of highs…and the rock-bottom lowest of lows. We thought we’d bring the fun of the recap to CollegeCandy, so grab that coffee and take part in the deliciously awkward moments your CC friends have to share.]
I hadn’t known John* very well, so when I got a text at 11pm saying “I’m bored, come hang out” I should have immediately seen the booty call red flag. Especially because we had set up a first date for the next night, but John was hot and he cracked me up so I was excited to see him. When I got there, he answered the door and immediately shushed me. You see, his parents were sleeping and John wasn’t allowed to have girls over past a certain hour.
Dating a guy who lives with his parents isn’t so awesome, but we’re all broke college students so I tried to understand as he hurried me through the pitch black living room scattered with baby pictures and Precious Moments figurines. I was a little less understanding when he led me straight into an ottoman. I fell, and not a small fall either. I fell down, on the ground, wincing in pain. But again, I was crushing so I picked myself up grabbed his hand and tried not to think about my scraped knee.
John led me to his bed where I was happy to sit and makeout for a little while. After few minutes I started to shy away, realizing that maybe I was sending the wrong signals. I really did want to hang out with John, not just hook up. So I put my libido on hold and tried to get to know him a little better. John wasn’t happy about this and decided to tell me by ignoring me while he watched a baseball game that was on behind me.
The cute factor was starting to wear off.
I was getting annoyed but felt a little better when John showed me some of his work on his computer. I was impressed and swooned and flirted to a place where things finally seemed to be on the right track. Until John signed onto Facebook, that is.
I tried to talk myself through it. “Maybe he just wants to check his messages really quickly… Technology is addicting… Maybe it’s really, really important. Maybe… John’s a douche?” That last one seemed to be the answer because John was now going through his friends and telling me which ones were hot.
I saw the fear on his face as I started to put on my jacket. In an attempt to smooth things over and get me to stay, John whacked me with a pillow so hard it knocked me off the bed and onto the floor. Once I was down, John heard opportunity knocking. This was his charge to “wrestle” me. As John pinned me down, hand dangerously close to my boobs, I panicked.
Things went from bad to worse when John chose that very moment to tell me he was a virgin. It wasn’t that John was a virgin that bothered me, it was the way he said it. As his hands were wrapped around my wrists, John looked me in the eyes and said “if you keep being a real cool girl, maybe something special could happen between us.” Those words will forever be burned in my brain. They were so cringe-worthy and so embarrassing, that I probably would have laughed had I not been worried about being date raped.
I guess cheesy dialogue is my breaking point because in one of my lamest attempts to get the hell out of there, I looked at my watch and said, “Wow its getting late, I should go.” John was shocked.
He regretfully hugged me goodbye before telling me I was sweaty. I squirmed out of the hug and patiently explained to John that I was sweaty because he had me pinned me to the floor. John saw this as a sign that I wanted to be kissed. That was it. I snapped. I pushed john away from me yet again, and shrieked “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?”
Apparently, John was trying to make me comfortable.
As I ran to my car John shouted after me to ask if we were still on for our date the next night. Unfortunately, John didn’t hear me say no over the sound of my tires screeching as I raced out of his driveway. Seems he was distracted by the light that flipped on in his parent’s bedroom. Not that I feel bad for turning him down; he probably would have been grounded for the weekend anyway.