I’m Torn: The Real Housewives

Life isn’t black and white. As much as we wish we simply loved or hated things, there is often that whole annoying gray area in the middle. Like how we love the idea of a monokini, but we just don’t know if we can pull it off. Or how we love making money babysitting, but hate giving up a Saturday night. Damn you, gray area; you make decision-making that much more complicated!]

Anyone who knows me knows not to call on Tuesday nights. Not only is it Biggest Loser night, but it also happens to be the best night of my week because of one thing only: The Real Housewives. I don’t care if they are from Orange County, Hot-lanta or New York, I can’t get enough of these women.

Yet now that The Real Housewives of New Jersey are on the (polluted) horizon, I’m starting to feel a little confused inside about my love for couture catfights and $16,000 handbags.

Yes, ladies, I’m torn. It’s time to break it all down.

Love It:
Rich women doing fabulous things and talking about one another behind everyone’s backs? It’s like my dream life. I’m really good at the sh*t talking, but I’m seriously lacking in the Chanel bags and Louboutin heels, so it’s nice to live out my dreams through a Bravo TV show. And the drama, while totally blown out of proportion, is just so addicting. Whoever casts this show did a fantastic job of bringing far too many Type A women into one social circle, ultimately leading to many a manicured claw fights.

And could there be anything more entertaining than watching Evil Vicki trip and fall down a stair? Or Nay Nay making fun of her tranny bff, Kim? Or Bethenny (attempting to) open a can of ‘tude on Kelly Bensimon? Short answer: no. There is nothing better. Because drama in your social circle is never fun, but watching rich women drown themselves in it is the best thing since $5 footlongs at Subway.

Loathe It:
I like to think that I’m sorta smart, so I’m embarrassed to not only watch this show, but be totally addicted to it. And know every last detail. Including what kind of heels Jill’s daughter wanted to pack for her summer abroad. (Marc Jacobs. Pathetic, I know.)

Shouldn’t I be watching documentaries on Discovery Channel, or some weird show on TLC? And should I really be contributing to the further success of these rich-tards? With the exception of a few (Bethenny, for sure), these women contribute nothing to society except a few photos for Page 6 and a reason for my mother to call me at 9am on a Saturday to discuss the episode she just watched on her DVR.

We should be giving our attention to people who actually impact our world in a positive way, instead of these useless women who do nothing but lunch and shop and bitch. And then wake up the next day to do it all again. Yes, some of them work, but many of them just marry rich and set an example that money and wealth is the key to happiness. Is that true? Maybe. But is that realistic? Hell no.

And I can’t ignore the fact that this show takes my blood pressure to unhealthy levels. Without fail I end up on my feet (thus dumping my evening snack of dry Kashi Go Lean! all over my floor) yelling at the TV. These women are ridiculous and I can’t handle watching them say and do the dumbest sh*t! And now my snack is on the floor! And now I’m angry at myself because I care so much about this! And now I have to pause it so I can clean up the mess I just made.


I know that it’s just a show and I should enjoy it if I want to, but watching this show gives these women power and success they really do not deserve. Is my guilty pleasure really worth elevating these label whores to a higher level, wasting precious cereal and potentially giving me wrinkles?

I just don’t know. I’m totally torn!

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