Senioritis: It’s The End

I, too, will probably be this drunk at commencement.

I’ve lost track of the days and I no longer can distinguish between night and day. We drink round the clock now anyways so there doesn’t seem to be a reason for me to try to figure any of this out. But there are still a few things that I must get done before doomsday (known to my parents as commencement ceremonies).

TRY ON MY CAP AND GOWN
I thought it would be hilarious and trendsetting if I got a 4’11 gown for my 5’7 self. There’s a strong chance I will regret that decision when I’m the only one crossing the stage with bare legs. There’s a stronger chance that my family will be embarrassed. And there’s the strongest chance that cutting the top in a v-neck (they’re very in right now) will look more Salvation Army than American Apparel.

THROW EVERYTHING OUT
I have problems throwing things out. Especially if I got it for free. Because of this issue of mine (un-webmd-able…I’ve looked) I have quite the collection of heinously ugly Syracuse water bottles, fairy wings, and soy sauce packets. I never even once dreamed of dressing up like a fairy, but because I found the wings laying on a street on a rainy Halloween circa 2007 I kept them. I don’t know what I planned to do with them over the past three years, but I kept telling myself you never know when you might need them. Turns out I never did.

EAT ANYTHING EDIBLE/NON-TOXIC IN MY FRIDGE
As my above to-do shows, I have trouble wasting things. So it will literally kill me when I have to throw out all the partially used food items in my fridge. It’s not so much food like chicken or pasta but more like condiments and expired hummus. So I’m going to have to buy myself a box of crackers and prepare myself to eat them with everything: tomato sauce, mustard, butter, and oregano spice.

CALL EVERY GUY I HOOKED UP WITH AND ASK HIM WHAT WENT WRONG
Scratch that. I just copied that from an upcoming ABC family movie that I’m very excited to see.

GET OVERLY EMOTIONAL
There’s going to be a lot of crying over the next few days. And for the first time in my life no one is going to tell me to pull myself together because I look ugly when I cry. Not because I look pretty now when I cry, but more because everyone else will be crying and won’t notice the way my face contorts in unnatural ways. Every time someone points out that something is the “last” I get really teary. And as everyone points out every two seconds, everything these days is the last.

And on that note, this is my last senioritis. I’m no longer suffering from the condition. I’m soon to move on to the more serious condition of “unemployeed-living-at-home-kill-me.”

Pray for me.

Fun Margaritas For Cinco De Mayo
Fun Margaritas For Cinco De Mayo
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