Life After College: My Deep Pit of Despair

Considering the fact that I’ve done nothing but sulk (with the occasional break for a anxiety panic attack over my future) since graduation, it’s relatively amazing that I was able to find time in my self despair to write this blog. Graduating college is worse than I ever imagined. Probably because I always imagined going straight from graduation to an awesome job with an awesome apartment in an awesome city. (Thank you, Lauren Conrad!)

Instead I’m sitting at home covered in hummus (I couldn’t find the pita chips so I’ve just been eating it straight) yelling at my sister to answer the damn phone. I can’t take that old-fashioned landline ringing.

My mother’s turned into a hovercraft and a social butterfly. She spends half her time leaving me alone on the couch to go out with friends (pray tell, when did she attain those?) and the other half asking me what would make me feel better. To which I answer, “Umm I would like you to build a time machine and transport me right back to the part of Freshman year where it stopped being awkward.” So far she has failed at this task. She has one more week to reach success before I give her the next “make me feel better task” of finding me a job.

My father (notice how much focus is on my parents…because I have no friends anymore), on the other hand, expects me to all of a sudden make adult decisions. One day he’s asking me to find new health insurance because I’m no longer covered and the next he’s reminding me how I’m financially independent now. Health Insurance? You might as well tell me to learn how to do quantum physics. I don’t know why he thinks my diploma gave me the skills to be able to care for myself and make life-altering decisions. It was accomplishment enough that I walked across the stage without tripping.

But I’m doing my best to ignore him. He would probably tell you I sleep 23 hours a day because everytime he talks to me I pretend to fall into a deep unwake-able sleep. Instead I constantly reload my Facebook and comb through graduation albums. I go through my friends in search of pictures to print out in black and white and hang poster-size in my room. I go through acquaintances to find people I know in the crowd and tag them. It’s always hilarious to tag only one person in a giant crowd. And this is how I plan to entertain myself for the rest of the summer.

Wow, this sucks.

Come back every Tuesday as we follow (and commiserate with) Jenni on her quest to navigate life after college.

[Photo courtesy of]

Yay! Patrick Swayze is Alive!
Yay! Patrick Swayze is Alive!
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