Peppered throughout magazines and blog sites are optimistic articles about delicious summer activities and fashion trends to anticipate and enjoy. However, there is one thing about summer that is so heinous and disgusting that I feel I must warn the masses before it destroys them: flip-flops, fashion’s Anti-Christ.
I can hear the gasps and verbal WTF’s already. I know, I know, flip-flops are practically the poster children for summer fun. Calm yourselves, I have reasons.
1). They Make Any Outfit 1/4 As Cute: No matter how much effort you put into your ensemble this morning or how much you paid for that sundress, if you add flip-flops to the equation it will look instantly less cute. Much less cute. So much so that it defeats the purpose of even trying to make a cute outfit and you should have just worn sweats.
2). Your Feet Will Get Dirty: Want to know why outfits are less cute with flip flops? Perhaps it’s because dirty feet are not cute. On anyone. And dirty feet are inevitable when flip flops are involved. Your toes will turn brown, your heels will turn black and your calves will be covered in whatever crap that flop is flipping up. Seriously, no one wants to see your cracked and crusted feet stomping around in fluorescent rubber contraptions.
3). They Make Your Legs Look Fat: For some reason, colored slabs of rubber are not the most slimming choice for summer fashion. Optical illusion? Perhaps…At any rate, you spent all winter in the smelly gym to look like this, so don’t waste it on flip-flops!
4). Shoes Should Not Be Noisy: Sexy can be defined as the sound of stilettos clacking across a marble floor. The opposite is true for the sound of flip-flops slapping against your dirty feet.
5). They Aren’t Practical: Let’s face it – having half-an-inch of rubber barely attached to your foot is not the smartest choice available in footwear. They lack traction, stability, and could cause bodily harm (or at least a serious bruise to your ego). Who hasn’t flipped out of their flop before, or slipped on a little spilled beer?
6). There Are Cuter Options: This season it is almost a crime to opt for cheap-o flip-flops when there are gladiator sandals and huaraches everywhere! Who can resist summer’s mini-boots or moccasin sandals? Fringes, patent, and metalwork – oh my!
Now that I’ve stated my reasons, I would also like to point out that nothing beats a lazy day on the beach with nothing but a pair of flip flops and a good book to keep you company. For me, however, the beach is where my flip-flops will stay.