Men are tricky creatures. As much as we may wish we could read their minds, it just isn’t possible (yet… come on, science!). But don’t worry, I have discovered a trick to help us understand them a little more.
We all know guys that have picked up Cosmo from time-to-time (or have a monthly subscription) to help them figure out what their women are thinking. Hell, I bet a bunch of guys are reading CollegeCandy right now to try and figure something out about their girlfriends. Well ladies, we can do the same thing! Taking a peek at the kind of dating and relationship advice guys are being fed is a great way to get into the mind of a dude and see why he acts the way he does. Every Wednesday I’ll be doing just that. Hopefully, this will explain a few things…
As someone who has a lot of close platonic male friends in her life, this article particularly irked me. And by “irked,” I mean “pissed me the hell off.”
The boys (they are not men) over at AskMen refuses to believe that a male and female can truly ever be good friends. As they say, “we’re operating under the assumption that heterosexual men and women cannot be best friends; sex always gets in the way.” I know many people may believe this, but I am living testament to the fact that it is not true. I would never dream of sleeping with my best guy friends, who I absolutely adore, and I know they feel the same way about me. In fact, the mere thought of it all makes me puke in my mouth a little.
The article lists a number of steps to help the reader deal when the girl he is dating has a close male friend. The first few sound OK: don’t express jealousy, meet the best friend, be nice to her best friend, find out their history, etc. The steps all seem pretty normal and natural in any relationship, but don’t be fooled. According to the author, your boyfriend’s “main objective here is to assess the competition,” rather than simply get to know your friend and what role he plays in your life.
And if being shady and manipulative isn’t bad enough, it all goes downhill from here. After assessing the competition, the article advises guys to phase BFF out. Why? “If her best friend is a guy, it’s probably going to cause problems for your relationship, as there will always be another guy with whom she’s emotionally intimate.” Because clearly it’s impossible for men to understand or accept that women can be emotionally connected to more than one person. Especially a dude; if she was emotionally intimate with a female friend, I doubt it would be a problem.
But, again, it gets even worse.
Step 7: Get her to talk about him. The article says: “Another useful technique for phasing him out is to subtly get her to talk about him. Encourage her whenever she starts complaining about him. Be there whenever the two of them get into an argument.”
Um, NO! Of coarse you should be there for your S.O. when they are fighting with a friend, but this shady approach to ruin their friendship will only push your girlfriend away. If she gets the sense that you hate her male friend (and she definitely will when you start prodding her to complain about him…we’re not dense like SOME people…) it’s only going to make her question your motives. And besides, shouldn’t men stop being so damn selfish and insecure and think about what makes their girlfriends happy for once? You know, like having healthy relationships with their friends?
Step 8: Get him to embarrass himself. “OK, granted, setting her best friend up to embarrass himself is a pretty shifty move, but all is fair in love and war, right? Try getting her best friend drunk, or subtly encouraging asinine behavior.” This kind of behavior doesn’t just make guys bad boyfriends, it make them all around sh*tty people. Honestly, who does this?!
AskMen should be telling their readers to GROW UP. So what if their girlfriend has close male friends? If they are honestly a threat, the guys need to talk to her about it. But they usually aren’t and guys need to realize that they are important people in her life and probably will be for a while. Just because someone’s girlfriend has a best male friend doesn’t mean she will be less of a girlfriend to him. It should actually be a good thing. It shows that she is good at relating to guys, and probably enjoys some more male-oriented activities. It also means that when they get into fights, instead of sitting around with her girlfriends talking about what a dick the guy is, maybe she’ll talk it out with her guy friend and he’ll help her see that there are two sides to every argument.
Of course, guys don’t see that. At least the ones writing these articles. They’re far too insecure to have a relationship, let alone a healthy one.
Girls, have you noticed your boyfriends employing any of these steps to rid you of your male friends?