Perez Hilton Gets Black Eye (Pea’d)

After reading the news of Will.I.Am’s alleged assault on Perez Hilton (the thought of which just makes me giddy), I feel like I need Seth Meyers to do one of his “Really?” news bits from Saturday Night Live.  Literally, aside from giggling and imagining the hurt that could rain down on Perez from a Black Eyed Peas beat down, all I could do while reading about this was say repeatedly, “…really?”

First of all, when I get smacked up (which is, like, all the time), I don’t think about ways of fitting my injury into a Tweet.  I do, however, think about calling the police.  And getting a hug from my mom.  Police first, though.  Unlike everyone’s favorite Gossip Queen, I wouldn’t think of calling the police via Twitter (or assume that the PoPo are following me/checking their Twitterfeed every 4 seconds).  I’m pretty sure the seven people following me on Twitter don’t care if I’m bleeding and Tweeting at the same time (although…what an accomplishment, no?).

I hope that Perez’s gut reaction to an (alleged) emergency doesn’t represent a trend toward alternative communication methods for emergency services.  I can just see it now: 15 years in the future, my child (haha yeah, sure) will be in elementary school and the teacher will be explaining what to do in an emergency.

“Now children, take out your Blackberries and access your Twitter accounts.  Make sure to describe your injury and ask several times for the police to come.  They are totes following your feed.  Also, it’s important to type ‘No joke’ at the end of your Tweet, because they will come faster and people will actually believe you.”

At least we all got some very enjoyable imagery from this…although I’m sure no one enjoyed it more than Will.I.Am.  Next time I see him around (which, unfortch, isn’t nearly as often as I hear Boom Boom Pow), I’m gonna buy him a round and give him a high five.  He deserves it!

Overheard: Nobody Knows
Overheard: Nobody Knows
  • 10614935101348454