[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!]
(Girls, watching a performance in a public park.)
Girl 1: So, you know what’s way better than all of us having sex together?
Girl 2: Playing with our fake puppies.
Girl 1: Yup.
(Three girls sitting on futons at a party)
Girl 1: You know “Groundhog Day”?
Girl 2: Wait, that’s the one with the newspaper guy, right? And the sled?
Girl 3: No. No, that’s “Citizen Kane.”
(A guy, talking to a girl in Friendly’s.)
Guy: Listen, I’m chivalrous, but I’m not a martyr. I’m not gonna give you my cherry just because you ask for it.
(Girl, talking to her boyfriend in an apartment hallway.)
Girl: Put the hat on and turn around. Please?
Girl: When I can’t see your face, I can fantasize that you’re Mr. Darcy.
(A woman, yelling from behind a McDonald’s counter)
Woman: Okay, boy! We are going nowhere until you give me my money!
Young boy: It’s not about money! It’s about my pride!
(Two guys, sitting in some athletic bleachers.)
Guy 1: I can’t go, I’ve gotta show up at my sister’s graduation.
Guy 2: Oh. Yeah, me too. Well, I have to go to my sisters “fail-to-graduate-then-lock-herself-in-her-room-screaming-and-eating-Cheezits-until-we-buy-her-a-new-puppy.” We had one last year.
(Three guys, arguing loudly in a pizza restaurant.)
Guy 1: Genghis Khan.
Guy 2: Teddy Roosevelt.
Guy 3: Patton.
Guy 2: Uh, Nikola Tesla.
Guy 1: Abraham Lincoln?
Guy 3: Bill Nye the Science Guy.
Guy 1: Fine. You win.
(Two girls talking from the other side of a gas pump.)
Girl: You know, I feel like everyone I see at a gas station is a hooker.
(Guy, pulling up to the sidewalk in a pickup truck.)
Guy: Man, what are you doing? Get in here, dude, we’re hitting up the Timex museum!
(Guy and a girl, walking down a busy main road.)
Guy: Wait, it’s called “All’s Well That Ends Well”?
Girl: It’s Shakespeare!
Guy: Bulls***. What, did he write “Look Both Ways Before Crossing The Street” too?
(Guy, standing in front of a mall parking lot, on a cell phone.)
Guy: I’m in the parking garage. No, the parking garage … ! How stupid are you? Come on!