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Alcohol: The Stepping Stone to Metrosexuality

drinking beer

I’m generally not a demanding girlfriend.  My requests are small, involving being somewhat tidy and helpful around my apartment (especially when he spends 80% of his time there) and cooperative and enthusiastic when we make plans together.  Seriously…that’s it.  However, I still run into issues.  Toilet seats get left up, hands don’t get washed (gaaaaaahhhh), crusted dishes are left out, and my man turns into a whiny mess whenever I take him shopping.

This could all be a thing of the past now that I’ve learned of a glorious new tool:  alcohol.  Apparently, some clothing stores are starting to serve alcohol to patrons while they shop.  These stores tend to be catered to the male population and focused on catering to the individual customer’s needs.  Men relax after a couple drinks, eliminating the social awkwardness that comes from shopping and actually taking time to think which color would go best with their eyes and the rest of their wardrobe.

Wait – all this time I’ve been passive aggressively trying to make my boyfriend clean his stubble out of my sink and I could have just been plying him with alcohol to get the job done?  Oh. My. Gawd.  I have seen the light!  Now my relationships will flow sweetly on the back of the bubbly deliciousness that is beer.

I have to wonder, though, how far alcoholic inducement will take me.  Everyone knows that after drinking a certain amount, you can be incredibly useless.  Everyone also knows that after drinking a certain amount, you can be witty, charming, intelligent, relaxed, and organized.  What if I overdo it? Then I’ll be cleaning up a mess worse than a sink full of a dishes.

Perhaps this alcohol idea isn’t so great.  It might be good every now and then as a encouragement (or a fun activity…cleaning + alcohol = win), but I think I’ll leave the art of alcoholic coercion to the masters of retail.  They can make my boyfriends into metrosexual fashionistas any time they want!  Goodness knows that I don’t need a drink to get me to start buying things…although if I had a couple in me, I would probably have a few more pairs of harem pants and silk rompers in my closet.  And probably a mumu or two (I’ll be drinking, don’t judge me).

"Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination." Oscar Wilde I have a LOT of imagination.