There’s a great many things to do and places to see in this world of ours. As humans, our lives are pretty short (and if you party like I do, it’s probably going to be even shorter). So we have to prioritize! We have brains for a reason and that reason is…reasoning (well, at least some of us use them for that purpose: see comment about partying above). Let me be your voice of reason as I show you all the things you should be doing right here, right now.
Sex sells and nobody knows that better than our generation. We watch hours upon hours of gossip and celebrity news for the latest update on who’s bonking who. We twitter about the Walk of Shame. We scour Facebook for photos of last night’s hook-up. We strut our stuff at the bar/parties/anywhere social, stalk some prey, and make the kill. Then we share all the details with our friends over Bloody Marys and Sunday brunch.
As much as it pains it to say this, maybe we should…stop. Seriously. I was skeptical at first, but after some good ‘ole internet research I might have to have a little chat with my boyfriend (just kidding…maybe).
– Less Drama: Yes, all relationships have drama, regardless of any sexual component. However, I’ve noticed that the drama usually increases when people get naked. Suddenly, your partner’s past becomes much more important and you become extra attached…and why wouldn’t you? You just exchanged bodily fluids. No sex = less drama.
– Freedom: Sex usually involves some preparation, such as spending mucho time in the bathroom shaving, exfoliating, moisturizing, plucking, etc. and picking out matching underwear sets (unless you’re in a long term relationship, in which case most of those go out the window). Nix the sex and feel the freedom! Shave only if you want to, wear mismatched underwear, and let the stray hairs roam for a couple more days. Ahhh…let freedom ring.
– Control: I can’t count the number of tragic Sundays I have spent recovering from the night before and debating whether I should call first or wait for Mr. Right Now to call. Sex can complicate relationships and make you feel like you’ve lost control of the situation. Hell, that’s the theme of most of the episodes of Sex and the City. Why not cut out sex, clear your head and stay in control?
– Less Mess: Bodily fluids, condoms, hair…once you think about it, sex can be kind of disgusting. Without sex, you won’t need to worry about getting the horrible smell of latex and sweat out of your bedroom. Also, chances of finding a pesky condom wrappy hiding under your bed at inopportune moments will decrease dramatically (let’s hope).
– More Time: All the time you spend sweatin’ it up in the sack with your partner can be used for studying, exercising, socializing with friends, or just relaxing on a beach somewhere. Just think of how many times sex has gotten in the way of your Medieval Art History homework…
– No babies/STDs: Without a sex life, it’s pretty much guaranteed that you won’t have that scary moment when you frantically calculate the days between your last period and right now and realize that something might be off. Also, unless you spend a lot of time rubbing yourself all over public toilets, you’ll be STD free!
– Masturbation = Win: Most of the benefits you receive from sex can be replicated with masturbation. Also, you will develop a deeper understanding of yourself and how you experience pleasure. When you finally start having sex again (whenever that might be), you’ll know exactly what you want and hopefully, how to communicate that to your partner.