Dear Tuffy Tuv,
So there’s this guyyyyy (isn’t that how all of these emails start out?). I reconnected with someone from high school in the beginning of the summer. We hung out (and hooked up) a few times before he had to go back to school for the summer. At first my mindset was, “Ok, we had a fun summer fling, maybe I’ll see him when he gets back.” And at the time, I was totally OK with the idea.
About a week after he left, he started texting me every once in a while. Then all of a sudden, there was a flurry of communication between us where he said he’d try to sneak out of school one day to see me, and visit again on the 4th. Since these encounters he’s sent me some pretty cute texts about how he can’t wait to see me, hoping I’m free on such and such day so he can visit, etc. This seems like a lot of effort just for some booty. I’m just not sure how to classify this relationship, and whether getting emotionally attached would end up hurting me at the end of the summer. And I HATE HATE HATE having “the talk”; is there any way to get some answers without it?
Well, okay, yes, kind of. You could ask to visit him at school for a weekend. If he’s up for it, go up there and feel it out. If he introduces you to all his little college buddies and takes you to see the campus sights, he’s probably interested. If he just wants to hook up (or if he totally balks at the idea of you visiting in the first place), he’s probably not.
The thing is, Anonymous, guys are actually very easy to understand. The problem is that women (like you, like me) are harda*ses about asking them.
Men are not like women. Women, you know, we want the guy (or the other girl) to guess. We want our partners to understand us without telling them. (You like my little stand-up routine? This is starting to feel like some stand-up comic from the immediately-post-Jerry Seinfeld days. Bear with me, I gots a point.) If you ask a guy a question point-blank, howevs, they will usually tell you the answer. Guys aren’t usually interested in shrouding themselves in mystery. They may do some dumb things, but you gotta hand it to them for their general straightforwardness.
This, of course, does not include dudes that are super shady, in which case some part of you probably knows it and, let me tell you girl, you should stay away stay away stay AWAY!!! (How you like me now, crazy exboyfriend?!)
Anywho, the best way to find out is just to ask. I know you don’t like the talk, but it doesn’t have to be awkward! Just do it in person, over either drinks or ice cream or hamburgers, whatever he likes best. Keep it light and friendly, and be okay with either answer, and it should be totally fine.
You gotta be smoov, girl. That’s right. I said smoov.
Hearts & Skulls,