You Might Be Crazy If…

Are you psychotic in relationships? Have your significant others ever called you a crazy bitch? Insane? Needy? Any of the above? Here’s some signs that you just might be:

You love the chase. Not to mention the ongoing drama and the on and off and the fighting, but once the guy gives you the attention and affection, you’re totally bored and want out.

You constantly pine for a guy who DOESN’T LIKE YOU or worse, doesn’t even know you exist. He’s Just Not That Into You was written for you.

You cheat. Oh man, do you ever cheat. You just do. You sometimes don’t mean it, but sometimes you do. You lie about it. You feel awful about it sometimes, but sometimes you don’t. Sometimes it’s just making out, sometimes it’s sex, sometimes it’s emotional, but it’s all cheating. And you do it. And sometimes you can’t stop once you start getting good at it.

You love relationships so much that you’re absolutely miserable when you’re not in one (which is rare) and when you are in one you’re convinced he’s “The One” and you love being a couple and doing everything together and oh my god NO ONE LIKES HEARING ABOUT IT.

You pick fights. The guy is totally normal and you spaz out over absolutely nothing. Maybe you break things. Maybe you hack his email or Facebook and freak out over the slightest flirtation. You just want to fight.

You love douchebags. The only guys you are into treat you like the scum of the earth and you put up with it and give a million chances, and ‘totally forget’ about the time he cheated on you and then somehow are surprised and depressed when he finally leaves you for the other girl he’s been screwing around with the entire time you were dating him. Everyone saw that coming, but you. Get back down to earth, Space Jam.

You’re in a totally healthy relationship right now with absolutely zero to complain about. You tell everyone about this totally healthy relationship and how your significant other is your best friend. You go to bed, assured that you will love them for the rest of your life. Even if your life span lasted 1000 years, you’d still be in love with them on your 932nd birthday. You would never want anyone other than this person. If you’re not in a relationship, you’re sure that this type of relationship exists.

Did you find yourself on this list? Congratulations. You’re not psychotic, you’re totally normal.

Define what the hell you’re doing wrong and work on it. It probably won’t be perfect, but it’s worth a shot. If not, don’t forget that 52% of marriages end in divorce anyway, so it’s not really your fault; you’re already statistically f**cked.


Melanie currently interning in NYC, taking full advantage of all margarita specials and those blonde summer boys. Stalk her on Twitter: @tinkermellie

Sexy Time: Demystifying Foreskin
Sexy Time: Demystifying Foreskin
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