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Overheard: Big Piece of Lame

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Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!

(Girl, pointing at a grocery store bike rack.)

Girl: That bike doesn’t like me. I tried to get away, but it gave me a serious coochie bruise.

(Best Buy employees, talking to each other at the end of an aisle.)

Employee 1: So I got home, and I was hungry, so I ate some chicken and a pear. I was still hungry, so I ate a plum. And then I was still hungry after that, so I had another bowl of cereal and an apple! And a sandwich! I mean, what? What?

Employee 2: Life’s like that.

(Girl, talking to a crowd of friends.)

Girl: Does anyone else want to go see Harry Potter alone tonight?

(2 girls, walking out of Bruno.)

Girl 1: I can’t believe that was rated R.

Girl 2: I know! I totally just saw three people going down on a woman!

Girl 2: (Pause) I hope people know I’m talking about a movie… I’M TALKING ABOUT BRUNO!

(Two guys, swapping stories outside a crummy bar.)

Guy 1: Dude, this one time?

Guy 2: Yeah.

Guy 1: We went to a party, me and some friends, and we drank… all the beers.

Guy 2: Uh-huh.

Guy 1: We were pretty drunk. I mean, you know, like pretty drunk.

(Father and son, standing at the front of a T.J. Maxx.)

Son: I don’t really know what to get her.

Father: Well, most of the ‘gift’ things are, like, all around here. Bags and things like that, you know. This was a good choice, you know, I think this is a really good place to shop for gifts.

(Two kids, eating cherries outside a convenience store.)

Kid 1: Hey, I bet I can hit that guy with a pit.

Kid 2: Do it!

Guy: *stops* Excuse me?

Kid 1: No, the other guy. You know. Invisible guy.

(Guy, in the ocean, yelling towards the beach.)

Guy: Hey! Sarah! Does salt water work with my cell phone?

(Girl and a guy, sitting in Friendly’s)

Guy: Wait, you broke your phone? How? You were sleeping!

Girl: Well, I’m a very heavy sleeper.

(Two girls, talking outside Panera.)

Girl 1: So he took me out for Mexican for my birthday.

Girl 2: *starts laughing uncontrollably*

Girl 1: What, sorry? What was funny?

Girl 2: Nothing… it’s just, I mean, sorry. Nothing.

(beat)

Girl 2: *starts laughing again*

(Guy, talking on the phone.)

Guy: I have the best story. Dude, it’s crazy. So I was in the darkroom, and this girl was developing… like, these naked pictures, right? And they looked kinda like her. So I went over, and… I asked her, “hey, is that you?” And she was like “yeah”. Geez. Best day of my life.

COLLEGECANDY Writer
1. I turn my pillow over to the cool side about seven hundred times each night. 2. After college, I'm going to secede from the Union and become the King of Taco Bell.