Who Can Fill Paula Abdul’s Louboutins?

I, for one, am thoroughly sad to hear that the web is abuzz with rumors that Paula Abdul might be abdicating her judge-ship on American Idol. She’s my second fav of the 4 AI judges (I mean, honestly, no one beats Simon: that smile, that accent, his badass, smart-alleck wit…swoon; Randy I stop listening to after the first “dawg” leaves his mouth; and I haven’t completely warmed up to Kara, yet, though the girl can sing).

Ms. Abdul was always amidst controversy during her stint on the AI show, from Cory what’s-his-face who swore he did the “straight up” with Paula, to lingering questions as to whether or not her Coke might be mingling with some Captain in that bright red cup. Regardless, I don’t see how the show could be nearly as entertaining that mumbo jumbo that comes out of Paula’s mouth (“You’re so pretty!”) and her weird clap (seriously, what is with that?.

Let’s face it, guys: we need a little crazy dancing around while the contestants sing. But the crazy has, allegedly, left the building. So who can we get to take her place?

1) Whitney Houston (think Whitney with Bobby, not normal, awesome Whitney):

Aside from the fact that she is a LEGEND diva, cracked-out Whitney would be outstandingly funny to watch, be it her arguing with Simon or joining in with Randy in the dog pound. And if she dueted with Kara, forget it! Plus, people are constantly trying to sing her songs, so maybe it’s time they were judged by the queen herself.

2) Amy Winehouse:

She knows how to sing (well,) she’s totally unpredictable, and just think of the goodness that will come from her whipping a flask out of that beehive and throwing it back while the worst of the worst singers perform.

3) Cyndi Lauper:

Another 80’s supastaaaarrrr to rival Paula’s fame. Cyndi’s quirky, upbeat, bad ass attitude may not lead to her dancing during contestant’s solos, but I can definitely see some tension brewing between her (and her cartoonish voice) and Simon Cowell. It would be delicious.

4) Kelly Bensimon:

There are only two people who leave me scratching my head in confusion every time they talk. One just decided to leave American Idol and the other is Real Housewife of NY, Kelly Bensimon. Just think of the ridiculous nuggets of wisdom that would come from this woman’s mouth (“You are like fertilizer and you are smearing it around and growing…”). If you close your eyes, you might not even realize Paula is gone.

5) Heidi Montag:

Aside from Heidi’s INFINITE wisdom of the music world, she would merely be a good ploy for ratings. Lord knows people to tune in to hear what “sage advice” Mrs. Spencer Pratt could possibly bestow upon this year’s American Idol. My guess? It would involve plastic surgery, a boom box on the beach and Jesus. Lots of Jesus.

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