Shopping for Sex Toys 101

We’ve heard it all our lives: diamonds are a girl’s best friend.

While I agree that diamonds are fun and sparkly and pretty, most of them can’t give you an orgasm (unless that rock is HUGE). And I think every girl’s best friend should be able to do that. Therefore, I’m going to disagree with Ms. Monroe on this one and argue that my vibrator is my best friend, and is probably the best friend any of us could hope for.

Not gonna lie, I’ve always been a big fan of masturbation. I’ve been doing it since I was fairly young, and have always believed that it’s a healthy thing to do.

I spent most of my formative years manually stimulating myself, but counted down the days until I turned 18 and was finally able to buy my first vibrator. (What? It’s healthier than counting down to buying cancer sticks!) Once my long-awaited birthday finally arrived, though, I realized that I had no idea what to look for. There were hundreds of different kinds – waterproof, G-spot, realistic, dildo, vibrator, with testicles (who really wants that?), ones that you can stick to the wall, and the list goes on.

I had always prided myself with being fairly knowledgeable about all things sex (which I accredit mostly from watching Talk Sex with Sue religiously since 6th grade), but sorting through the oodles of synthetic phalluses to find something that would make me scream like a banshee seemed somewhat daunting.

And my first trip to the sex shop didn’t help.

Standing there, surrounded by rubber (or silicone or latex or glass) dongs, made me feel a little uncomfortable. Especially considering I was there with a friend and her super liberal mom.  I started poking around (no pun intended) the goodies awkwardly.  After passing things like this, I realized that people came in here for much kinkier things than I did and instantly became much more comfortable. Twenty minutes later, I found my perfect toy (good size but not ridiculously large, curved in all the right places, and had 10 speeds) and left there a happy little lady.

I’ve since been to a few sex shops, mostly just to look (although, I did pick up a few more toys here and there) and while I don’t think I am in any way a pro, I do feel I have collected a few tips that some ladies might find helpful when purchasing their first sex toy.

Which, I can’t say enough, is something every. single. woman. must do.

Look online first. Checking out sites like this will help you get a better idea of what’s out there and what to look for. I found that being able to browse the penis catalogue online made me feel much more comfortable than being shocked at the freaky shiz I was going to find in the store.

Become familiar with the different types. As I mentioned before, there are many, many, many types of sex toys. What you want to buy is all about how you plan on using it. Solo? You may be looking for a vibrator or dildo. Using it with a partner? You may be looking for something more like a pocket-rocket or other toys for two. Assess your personal situation so you aren’t overwhelmed when it’s finally time to buy.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. You should never be ashamed to ask questions. After all, if someone is working in a sex shop, chances are, they’ve heard freakier questions before. Plus, they want to help you, so suck it up and get some guidance. They know their stuff and can help you find the perfect toy for your needs.

Have Fun! While going into an adult shop for the first time can be a little nerve wracking, just remember to have fun. There is nothing the people in those stores haven’t seen, so there’s no need to feel self-conscious about your purchase. Bring a close friend or your partner with you if that will ease your nerves, and remember that it’s okay to laugh at the 2 foot long dong hanging in the corner. It’s also OK to buy one…

The Morning After: Don’t Let The Door Hit You On The Way Out
The Morning After: Don’t Let The Door Hit You On The Way Out
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