Single. And Dealing With The “Sort of” Ex

I hate my exes. Mostly because I’m not even sure I can call them my exes. You see, in the world of the eternally single, you rack up a lot of blurry relationships with people. We go on dates, but we’re not dating. We’re dating, but we’re not together. We’re together, but he’s not my boyfriend. We make out every Tuesday, Thursday, and third Friday of the month, but that’s it.

It’s bad enough when it’s occurring, but when the sordid, undefinable tryst ends…you don’t even know how to bitch about them! Man, that “guy who I used to sometimes make out with (and one time I think we went on a date, but it was only kind of a date because we didn’t refer to it as one)… really sucks.” God. It takes up more effort than the half assed relationship ever did.

The worst of it followed me out this week. Earlier in the summer, I had become interested in (obsessed with) a cute, smart, funny dude I had met while I was out. I gave him my number, and we ended up hanging out (making out) a few times. I started to get frustrated when I realized the extent of our hanging out was us making out, so I finally grew a metaphorical pair and told the horny jerk off. And of course with my luck, two days after I stand up for myself by acting like a crazy bitch, I run into him while I’m out with friends. And I thought Chicago was supposed to be a LARGE city…do I need to move to Hong Kong?

He came up to me and asked how I was doing, then said he hadn’t called lately because he lost my number (Guys: get a new excuse, this one insults my intelligence). I made the conversation last as long as I could before he could see that I was tearing up in public a little (shut up), then proceeded to go back to my group of friends and take the ensuing frustration out on them (again, shut up).

And they kind of didn’t get it. He wasn’t really an ex, after all. He was just some guy. But in all honesty, he wasn’t just some guy; he was some guy I had hopes for, and eventually some guy who let me down. And while that’s no excuse for being a jackass to your friends, it hurt to see him. It hurt to have him lie to me. It especially hurt to see him walk out of the place with his arms around a cute blonde girl. There may have been no official label between us, but I guess no one told my emotions that they had to wait for that to kick in.

When the lines between you are so blurred, it’s hard to describe how or why…but you can still get hurt. Not getting a fourth date with a dude you really liked may not have the same crippling emotions as ending a 2 year relationship, but why can’t we admit that it still kind of stings? Even getting to know someone then realizing YOU don’t like him is a big old let down. All of these things are still disappointments, heartbreakers, and ultimately things that ruin our trust in relationships… and sometimes in ourselves.

And yet it seems we have to be ashamed to admit what should be obvious: undefined does not equate unemotional. Whether or not it reached relationship status, or even second date status, these are people who mattered enough to spend time and effort on. And it completely sucks when that time and effort turns out to be wasted. Come on, I’ve seen them in their skivvies… of course I’m bummed when their actions are not as great as their ass.

It’s just important to realize that emotions can happen for people you intended on being completely unemotional with. So whether it’s an ex-boyfriend or ex-dude who took you out to dinner, it’s still someone who was careless with your precious feelings. And you had better believe those are precious! So go right on ahead… you’re allowed to eat too much ice cream and call him, whatever he was, a jackass.

The CC Weekly Weigh In: It’s Over
The CC Weekly Weigh In: It’s Over
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