When I first heard that Joe Jonas couldn’t keep it together post break up with girlfriend Camille Belle and sobbed on stage during a show, I thought it was adorbs. A guy who is in touch with his emotions and willing to let it all out in front of 25,000 people? Be still my heart.
But then I started to wonder if weepy boyf is really all that appealing. Or if any of the qualities we look for in guys are really all that great in reality. We all want that perfect clean-cut, handsome, sensitive, funny and smart guy who dresses well and treats us like a princess. But why? If you’re “lucky” enough to find him, you’ll soon realize he can’t give you your happy ending after all.
The Dream: A nice clean-cut boy toy.
The Reality: Okay, so guys tend to be dirtier than women. And sometimes it can just be gross. Really gross. And what’s worse than having than a guy with crusty armpits on his shirts and a faint aroma of fart? Uh, how about a guy who takes longer to get ready than you, or one who douses himself in Axe so you can smell him 10 minutes before he shows up at your door? Or a guy who makes you look and feel like total crap on a Sunday when you’re too hungover to shower, so you take the day off?
The Dream: A guy who takes care of himself
The Reality: As many of us can attest, there isn’t much less attractive than a dude with random patches of hair on his back/shoulders/between his brows/in his nose. And no one can deny that running your hands over a smooth hair-free chest (with six-pack abs) feels amazing. But when you’re getting a manicure with the girls, you don’t want to have to see your guy come in for his 2 hour body waxing appointment. Or deal with all. that. stubble when it starts to grow back. And have you ever interacted with bald balls? Yeah, I always wanted a guy to do a little trimmy trim down there too…until my guy did.
Take it from me: SCARY.
The Dream: A guy who focuses on his body
The Reality: Hot, muscley guy? Delish. But a health freak who makes you feel bad when you’re eating an entire pizza and he’s nibbling on a carrot between trips to the gym? Awful. No woman wants to be the hefty one in the relationship (“I’ll have the burger and fries and he’s going to have the fat free fro you…”), so maybe a guy with a little meat on his bones isn’t such a bad thing. At least you’ll have someone to split that tube of cookie dough with.
The Dream: A total romantic
The Reality: Candlelight dinners, red wine, walks on the beach…amazing right? No, nauseating. Once in a while a nice romantic evening is awesome (if followed by some hot ‘n’ heavy action, of course), but when a guy is too romantic, or too mushy gushy, it’s just annoying. The pet names, the food names, the cutesy voices…if you wanted all that, you could date your grandma. You want a guy who will make you smile…not hurl.
See? That perfect guy you’ve been waiting for isn’t lookin’ so hot now, is he? Maybe tha burly, hairy, manly man is the one you’ve really been looking for all along.