Every week, I write College Candy’s “Weekly Ten” about whatever the hard-hitting, relevant issues of the week are.
This week, I’ve decided to focus my Weekly Ten on my Top 10 Facebook Pet Peeves. Because it doesn’t get more relevant or hard-hitting than that.
10. Status updates all the time.
Seriously? Facebook (even though they’re trying really hard to be) is NOT Twitter. Get that shiz outta my news feed. You’re clogging it up.
9. Constant profile picture changes.
Okay, so I might be a little guilty of this one. However, when you’re changing your profile picture more than your underwear (people like that exist, I know it…), it’s time to reevaluate your life.
Special Mention: Annoying peace-sign-and-pouty-lips profile picture. Doubly worse if the picture is taken with MacBook’s photo booth. Triply worse if you’re wearing giant sunglasses. If there’s a small dog or a Coach bag in the picture? Do everyone a favor and just delete your whole profile.
8. Changing relationship status.
Going from Single to In a Relationship to In an Open Relationship to It’s Complicated all in the same week? That information does not need to be broadcast to all of Facebook. I don’t care if you have more relationship ish going on than Jennifer Aniston; Facebook isn’t Star Magazine and I didn’t subscribe to your drama with Mr. Frat Star.
7. Application Updates
UM WHAT IS WITH THIS MAFIA GAME ON FACEBOOK?! It’s all up in my feeds and I want nothing to do with it. Tony Soprano is NOT impressed either. I’m sure of it.
6. FIVE THINGS ABOUT ME
Really? The Five Types of Animals you would be? Five kinds of deodorant you’ve used in your lifetime? Five Candle Scents that you love?! Here are five reasons I find this beyond irritating:
1. If you’re a good friend of mine, chances are I already KNOW your 5 favorite movies. Even if you’re NOT a good friend of mine, I’m pretty sure Facebook has a “favorite movies” section on your profile.
2. Five girls you find the hottest would never even look twice at you.
3. If I wanted to know five things you don’t leave the house without, I’d open your purse and go through it.
4. Five Favorite Old School Nickelodeon Shows? Okay, I’ll give you that one. Especially if you put “Figure It Out.”
5. Five people you’d want on your side at a bar fight. Sorry, honey, Buffy is too cool to hit up $2 Draft night with you. Plus, she’s not real. Sadly.
65% Bitch? Awesome. I 100% DO NOT CARE.
4. Texts From Last night
Are you really so unoriginal that you have to constantly post things that other people have text messaged and in turn are published on a website that EVERYONE HAS ALREADY READ?! Bonus if all your wallposts to others are simply TFLN quotes. Yes, the website is funny, but if I wanted to read the texts, I could very easily go. to. the. website.
(610): Last night I was so drunk that I realized I can’t come up with any of my own entertaining material so I decided to yoink someone else’s drunk text from a website! Alcohol and unoriginality for the win, yo.
3. Invitations to groups that you want no part of
Dude, I haven’t talked to you since Middle School. I am not going to join “10,000 Strong For Rush Limbaugh.”
2. Becoming fans of…
Maybe a couple things are okay. But when you become a fan of Zac Efron, Facebook, Gummi Worms, TFLN, iPhone Apps, Dexter’s Laboratory (okay, awesome show and admittedly I am a fan of it. Besides the point.), strawberry milkshakes, Tequila, Yankees, and Megan Fox all in the same day? Check yourself.
1. Pretending you “never go on Facebook” when you’re on ALL THE TIME.
We know you love your News Feed. And you got an iPhone just so you’d never have to go 5 minutes without it. Come out of the closet.
Melanie currently interning in NYC, taking full advantage of all margarita specials and those blonde summer boys. Stalk her on Twitter: @tinkermellie