Celebretard Showdown: Kanye West vs. John Mayer

kanye_west john mayer dbag

In my experience, musicians are vain, self-absorbed creatures who live for their instruments (much like any art form).  Since one of my majors is studio art, I am constantly surrounded by self-proclaimed artists and their idiosyncrasies.  Therefore, I can understand why some people in the music business act in a certain way.  They can’t help it, they’re artists!

The art department of any university is a strange place and it takes a special kind if person to put themselves through the torture that is any art class.  I’m sure the music business is the same way.  That is why when I see “artists” like The Pussycat Dolls or P. Diddy, I’m not exactly surprised.  However, once in a while there comes a person who is so terrifically self-absorbed that it shocks (and annoys) even other artists.  Enter:  Kanye West.  And John Mayer.

This installment of Celebretard Showdown could easily be called The Douchebag Edition, considering our subjects.  Who is more pretentious?  Who has talent and who just has a big mouth?  So many questions, so little time (let’s face it: there’s only so much time you can spend reading Kanye West quotes before losing all faith in humanity and wanting to smash something).

Love Life
Kanye West is in a loving relationship…with himself.  Sure, he’s had a couple pieces of arm candy come and go, but he remains faithful to his number one fan.  After he split with his fiance, he seems more concerned with how to coordinate a woman with his outfit, rather than how to sustain an actual relationship.

John Mayer is a notorious man whore.  Seriously – there should be a warning memo distributed to all actresses about him.  All women should be warned, really.  What’s confusing is how he can fit all this sexy time in between clubbing, attending awards shows and Twittering…

Point: John Mayer. His love life comprises most of the content covered by People magazine in the last few years.  I hope they’re paying him a commission or something.

Fame Whorishness
Kanye West is probably the King of all Fame Whores.  He writes his blog in all-caps, says and does ridiculous things to get attention, and is generally an a-hole whenever people don’t give him what he wants (see: MTV Music Awards).  He even wrote a book of “observations” (which has a lot of blank pages…hmm) after he said he didn’t read books because he’s too busy doing real things.  Oh, Kanye.  You’re such a gay fish.

John Mayer pretends not to be a Fame Whore, but since he Twitters about ev.ery.thing. it’s hard to ignore him.  He also makes a point to pose and dance for photographers whenever he sees them.  Oh, and the whole dating slews of famous women probably has something to do with it as well.

Point:  Kanye West. We get it…you’re awesome.  Now shut up.

Fashion
Kanye West is pretty damn fashionable (at least he certainly thinks so).  Unfortunately, some of his style choices seem to border on douchebag chic.  He also has made a big issue out of stating his heterosexuality – he’s not gay, people, he’s just stylish (like we care…).  Still, the man can dress and always manages to pull off something edgy.

John Mayer dresses like a dirty hippie most of the time (cargo pants that are three sizes too big don’t look good on anyone), but has been known to whip out a couple sweet outfits now and then.  He was even part of a Gap advertising campaign and looked pretty hawt.

Point: John Mayer.
Step it up, Broseph.  You’re famous now.

Talent/Career
Kanye West is undeniably talented, whether you regard him as a rapper or a producer.  He is churning out hit after hit and I’m powerless to resist (and so is the rest of the world).  Pretty much whatever he touches turns to platinum.  Incredibly addicting and douchy platinum.

John Mayer is also incredibly talented and has taken his guitar playing to impressive heights.  If you can move beyond his sugary pop hits like Daughters and Your Body Is A Wonderland, then John Mayer can be respected as a legitimate musician.  Too bad he spends most of his time Twittering instead of writing song lyrics, otherwise we might have a new album by now. And don’t even get me started on those weird faces he makes when he’s performing.

Point: Kanye West. If he didn’t go around telling everyone how talented he is, I’d be less annoyed with him and more likely to listen to his albums without feeling slightly ashamed of myself.

Celebretard Prize Goes To: Kanye West. Did anyone even have any doubts about this?  Kanye West = Huge Douchebag.  Done deal.

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