We hate to be bearers of bad news, but it’s August — meaning the glory days of sippin’ summer cocktails and rapidly developing skin cancer at any locale offering a mid- to large-sized body of water are, unfortunately, coming to an end. We know it’s hard to snap out of the beach-bum mindset, which is why we’ve got you covered with a checklist of things to do before full-time academia is back in swing.
Beautify. Nothing like cruising into a new semester of classes feeling like hot sh*t. Book your appointments early for those caterpillar eyebrows, exposed roots, and crusty feet.
Prepare for potential hanky-panky. (Yep, I did just call it hanky-panky.) Visit to the gyno? Check. Birth control stockpile? Check. Brazilian wax? Check. Stop trying to salvage period-stained panties — as my motto goes, new school year, new lacy underthings.
Buy new dorm / apartment / house décor! Draw some inspiration from Apartment Therapy and go to town. May we suggest wall decals, some choice picture frames and scented candles?
Pick up a new planner. Steal one from freshman orientation if you have to, and then neatly pencil in important dates (your boyfriend’s grandmother’s birthday, any club meeting with free food, the three-year anniversary to the day you got your v-card swiped, etc.) There’s nothing quite like touching a spankin’ new notebook — devoid of uncompleted to-do lists — for the very first time.
Evaluate your finances. If you’re anything like me, you’ve all but avoided checking your banking account for a summers’ worth of glorious sales, extravagant dining and uninhibited bar-hopping — but it is, my friends, something that must be done. Pay off your outstanding bills and determine your budget for the upcoming year so you know exactly how many hours you have to slave away at Applebee’s this fall.
Speaking of jobs… update your resume. ‘Cause let’s face it, you’re not going to even want to think about cleverly crafting bullet points about your summer of servitude well into Welcome Week. Or Rush Week. Or Recovery from Rush Week. Or any of the subsequent weeks after that, really. Get it out of the way now so the moment you encounter the perfect side-job to finance your weekend boozing, you’ll be ready-for-hire.
Do a massive overhaul of your wardrobe. Barring the sentimentally priceless — though really, it’s time to part with the chocolate-stained denim capris that remind you of your high school summer camp fling — donate or eBay the stuff you don’t wear. It goes without saying, but gauchos are not coming back in this lifetime. Head to American Apparel (or Targét — that’s how I roll) to stock up on your favorite basics. Reorganize your jewelry, and splurge on one pair of fabulous, fabulous heels.
Catch up on old seasons of your favorite trashy television. This is obviously the most crucial on the list. Between TiVo and internet video, there are no excuses to be made anymore — because God forbid you watch the Gossip Girl premiere without having seen the one where Serena dies. What? Yeah, see?