Hangovers Have Met Their Match

Hangovers. Woof. I feel like every time my mom calls me at noon on a Sunday she gets the same response:

Mom: Hi Honey! How are you?
Me: Erghhhhhhhjbakbbllahhh what time is it?
Mom: (Loud sigh) …Melanie Joy. It’s 12 o’clock. It is beautiful outside. Are you seriously still asleep?
Me: No, no I’m fine. I’m awake.
Mom: Really?
Me: No. Call me back on Monday after work.

She must’ve gotten the hint because this Saturday when I stumbled out of bed at around 1:30 PM after a long night of $2 shots, beer pong and poor choices involving dancing on the bar to “Get Low” by Lil Jon, instead of a typical “U Awake?” text message or overly chipper voicemail as my wake up call, I had a package sitting on my counter. Sweet! I love care packages!

I ripped it open and found a large colorful box with “THE AMAZING BOX O BOX: The World’s Greatest Care Package!” emblazoned on the front. I tore the box open, anticipating cookies, sweaters and the typical stuff from home.

Not so much.
What was it? Detox-O-Box, the ultimate hangover cure. Hilarious, mom.

My irritation and pounding headache were overcome by my curiosity. I opened the box and I felt like I was opening the lost Ark.

The box was chock full of goodies! Here’s the rundown:

* 3 Boozer Hangover Remedy Drinks
* Box-O-Box Barf Bag
* Box-O-Box “Keep Far Away” Door Hanger
* Emergency Chocolate Bar
* Happy Herbert’s Pretzel Sticks
* Yogi Detox Tea
* Dirty Potato Chips
* E-Z Mac’N’Cheese
* Clif Bars
* Ike & Sam’s Kettlecorn
* Liz Lovely Cowgirl Cookies (Vegan! Actually yummy vegan!)

Easy Mac! Ramen! Kettle Corn!  Oh my god, my hangover prayers have been answered. A cure for my pain…in a box…already prepared for me? Thank you, Box-O-Box!

Thankfully I didn’t wake up with that guido in the pink polo I was hitting on at the bar because Box-O-Box clearly states, “Box-O-Box can’t help you if you wake up with a stranger, but we can help you if you wake up with a hangover” and also reminds us that “they never look as good in the morning.”

Too bad! Even though I still don’t have that perfect cure to get rid of Mr. Cigarette Breath, at least I have enough salty junk food and even some specialty hangover energy drinks by the aptly named “Boozer” to get me through the next few months. The kit even has a barf bag! Which might be more convenient to throw in my purse to bring to the bar, but hey, that’s just me.

I GET IT MOM. I promise I’ll call you before noon tomorrow. If there aren’t any drink specials. Mmmm… Emergency Chocolate…

Melanie currently interning in NYC, taking full advantage of all margarita specials and those blonde summer boys. Stalk her on Twitter: @tinkermellie</em

And This Is Why Moms Should Not Use The Internet
And This Is Why Moms Should Not Use The Internet
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