Single. And Walking Down the Aisle.

I thought I would be at least 25 before this became an issue. I’m a bridesmaid. Yes, blah blah, happy occasion, etc, etc. But let’s get down to the nitty gritty.

First, I have to lose enough weight that the size 4 dress I ordered actually fits (I got a little overzealous after my skinny pants fit.) Second, I am the only bridesmaid who does not have a long term boyfriend. Meaning I either attend several wedding functions as the only solo gal, or I shell out some major cash dollaz for one of my guy friends to fly out to the wedding with me. Both options are giving me ulcers. Third, I’m jealous. Not that my friend is happy (because I’m amazingly glad she is) or because I want a husband (oh no, no, absolutely not), but because she has her whole life figured out…and I’m still deciding which kegger to go to tomorrow night.

I guess she’s an adult. And while my Harry Potter posters and cupboard full of Lucky Charms would have you believe otherwise, I guess I’m sort of, kind of an adult too. And if this is the beginning of adulthood, I’m so far really bad at it. One of my best friends from high school is getting married. My other two best friends (the other lovely bridesmaids) are at least in relationships that will give them the emotional skills to one day be married. I’m busy trying to casually find out if the hot guy I work with is single so that I can maybe flirt with him.

Why do they get to be real people when I’m still like an 8th grader with a legal ID?

I know, I know…I’m only 21, which is quite a few train stops away from Spinsterville. But at this rate, I’ll finally enter a long term relationship while they’re sending their kids off to college. Are they moving too quickly, or am I moving too slowly? I asked my rational side her opinion on the matter while moping over a bag of Taco Bell (maybe I should’ve ordered the size 6 dress).

It’s a little hard to accept, but when the four of us went off to college, we all had different experiences which made us different people. I still love them, but my three best friends became the “quiet, settled” down types. I became the “overly extraverted, borderline ridiculous” type. And while they may be ready to settle down in a year or two, I would be gnawing my way through the white picket fence just to get out of there.

It’s a perfectly good answer; we all lead different lives, we’re all moving at different paces. They’re not weird for getting married to people they truly love and care for, and I’m not weird for not being married when I’ve just legally been allowed to drink a PBR. And yet I still can’t help but feeling exactly how I did when I was the last one to get a date to prom: incapable of normal social function.

Has my emotional development somehow been stunted, or have I just not found the right person? Who knew being a bridesmaid would give me such an existential crisis…

What He Really Thinks Of Your… Christian Siriano Shoes
What He Really Thinks Of Your… Christian Siriano Shoes
  • 10614935101348454