Celebretard Showdown: Christian Bale vs. Jeremy Piven

christian bale jeremy_piven_bracelet

Since I tend to write (and speak) about controversial topics, I know what it’s like not to be universally liked.  I suppose that’s what will happen when you publicly hate on flip-flops.  However, I don’t think I could ever sink to the level it takes to be disliked in Hollywood.  I mean, they like everyone there (see: Perez Hilton).  Except, of course, those select few that are so hard to work with and so up their own butts that it’s impossible to like them.

Naturally, that’s what will concern us for this week’s edition of the showdown.

Everyone has heard Christian Bale’s ridiculous outburst on the set of Terminator.  As a  method actor, he can get pretty intense.  I actually respect the lengths he goes through to get into character.  However, I’m pretty sure other actors have managed to get into character without distancing themselves from the cast and crew and blowing up any time someone distracts them.  Except maybe Jeremy Piven.  He’s not exactly a method actor, but he is arrogant and well on his way to being that creepy older guy at Hollywood parties.  It’s hard to compare these two actors, seeing how they operate in two completely separate spheres, but their shared bad reputations require some comments.

Which one is more self-absorbed?  Who pisses off Hollywood the most?

Fame Whorishness
Christian Bale knows when to make himself visible in the media.  After his rage rant to the cinematographer on Terminator, he waited a good period of time before releasing an apology, thus securing him a place in the 24-hour news cycle for another week.  Thank goodness – if I didn’t have some Christian Bale gossip or picture to gawk over, I don’t know what I’d do with my time.

Jeremy Piven will do anything for exposure.  He’s even signed on to host an episode of WWE’s Monday Night Raw.  He’ll pose for whatever camera is pointed at him and gives major ‘tude at every possible opportunity.  But…why?  He’s not exceptionally talented, he hasn’t won piles of major awards, and he hasn’t been in anything particularly critically acclaimed (not that any of those things are an excuse for attitude or fame whorishness).  Btw, Entourage so doesn’t count.

Point:  Jeremy Piven. Unlike Mr. Bale, Jeremy Piven has nothing really impressive on which to build his arrogance.

Love Life
Christian Bale has been married for almost 10 years.  Surprised? Me too, but only because he’s so tight-lipped about his personal life.  Christian’s definitely got that mysterious vibe, so I always thought there was a lot more going on there than appeared on the surface.  Apparently there isn’t.  Laaaaaame.

Jeremy Piven is a veritable man whore.  He’s rumored to be dating several different women (depending on the website you read), the most recent being a college-dropout bottle waitress he met at Britney Spears‘ birthday party.  His move to snag the pretty lady? Mass texts to all the numbers he gathered that night saying to come and get him.  Classy, my friend.

Point: Jeremy Piven. Gross, dude…just gross.

Diva Stock
Christian Bale is a method actor…and a really intense one, at that.  Therefore, he’s a man with high demands on and off the set.  We’ve all heard what happens when someone walks into his line of sight.  What about if someone gave him the wrong food or spoke to him in the wrong accent? Who knows how many audio recordings of diva-esque outbursts there are of Christian freaking out…

Jeremy Piven thinks he is God’s gift to acting.  And women.  But mostly acting.  Rumor has it that he shows up to magazine photo shoots and will throw around his celebrity status for a while before he gets down to anything close to modeling.  No, Jeremy Piven, you are not Brad Pitt.  Or anyone of A-list status.  Check yourself, homie.

Point: Christian Bale.
Are you professional??

Talent/Career
Christian Bale has had a long career of successful movies.  He plays one of the most beloved comic book characters and conveys each character with the utmost authenticity.  However, he always seems a bit cold and disconnected from Hollywood.  That may be because of his posh English accent or his inability to prepare for a role without going completely psycho.  Either way, it might be better if he stays the hell away from those Hollywood brats.

Jeremy Piven stars in the douchiest show of the century (and plays the douchiest character).  There’s no doubt he works hard, having appeared in movies, TV shows, and plays.  However, how many movies of his can you name? That’s what I thought.  And his most recent theater stint was a complete flop because he dropped out after discovering he had mercury poisoning and had to convalesce in Bangkok.  Suuuure, Jeremy.

Point: Jeremy Piven. For as hard as he says he works, I’m not really seeing much of him anywhere…

Celebretard Prize Goes To: Jeremy Piven. Best stick with Entourage.  No one seems to  remember any of your other roles, anyway.

The CC Weekly Weigh In: Our Worst Nightmares
  • 10614935101348454