My roommate has recently entered a relationship with a really hot, sexy Puerto Rican guy. As a result she has been having lots of hot, sexy sex. And as a result of this, I have been hearing every detail about it.
Being open beyond acceptable social norms, this doesn’t bug me. But while we were out recently and had one too many beers (hey, at 2 bucks a pitcher, I’m only being economical at this point), she made a comment that kind of got my wheels turning.
“Gosh. I wish you were having tons of sex too so we could freaking exchange stories already.”
“Hello, my whole ‘thing’ is that I’m okay with being single. Who the eff are you to tell me that I need a man to be happy? Also, I think you should have to pay more rent this month cause you have just severely offended me. Jerk.” I stuck my (angry) face in the pitcher and took a gulp.
She grabbed the pitcher from me, splashing Keystone all over my face, and responded calmly. “I never said I wanted you to get a boyfriend. I said I wanted you to have lots of sex. You don’t need a boyfriend for that.”
Oh. Right. I forgot that little tiny detail. Because while I believe that you can have fun, fulfillment, enjoyment, and close personal relationships without romantic relationships…I have always been on the fence over whether or not you should have sex.
I’ve never thought it was wrong to have sex without being in a relationship. Look, this isn’t the 1950’s anymore; you don’t need someone’s letterman jacket before you crawl into the backseat of his Mustang. And while I’d never consider sleeping with seven anonymous strangers in a night, I will admit there are some (okay, a BILLION) gray areas between anonymity and monogamy. If you know the person is safe, and you know you can handle it emotionally, do you really have to be in a relationship to have sex? (And at any rate, shouldn’t physical and emotional safety be things you check up on even in a relationship?)
But, I’ve just always wondered if casual sex could be as fulfilling.
While I tend to actively ignore most societal standards, I like to be aware of them. My guy friends seemed to almost unanimously agree that you didn’t need to be in a relationship to be having fulfilling sex. (Some of them even offered to help me find out for myself. Oh, how kind.) The female counterparts seemed more divided on the issue; some of my girlfriends told me as long as you make sure he’s not a creep and he wraps his tool, sex is sex. It is a natural human need, and you don’t need a relationship to fulfill it.
And others insisted to me that the boyfriend label makes it magically better, since there is more trust, comfort, and emotion. Hey, thanks for doing absolutely nothing to help my confusion, guys.
From a purely logical standpoint (and we know how well those work in relationships, right?), I guess sex could be completely separated from relationships. Look, it’s something we all wanna do, and we’re gonna do it one way or another. We also live in a generation where commitment has become something of an urban myth, and it’s kind of sucky if we’re expected to live like nuns just because someone won’t become Facebook official with us. On the other hand, we can’t deny that for most people, sex is a very emotional thing. Even if there are no strings attached, things can still manage to get all tangled (and I’m not taking about body parts).
Right now, considering I’m not getting any, the idea of sex outside of a relationship is looking pretty, pretty good. But I just don’t know where I stand (lay?) on the topic. I guess I’ll have plently of time to mull it over during this little dry spell drought.